Guestbook Entries

New entries appear at the top of the list. You can also go back to the sign-in page...

Make the Spiders guestbook page Great Again!

Have been a Spiders Season Ticket Holder for many years now. Im still pissed the Spiders give away so many tickets for student rush!!

The Spiders need way throw back night. I still have my goalie pads. I might not be as quick as my debut in 1997, but I still got it.. Loved you guys... Steve the goalie. #40.

hey- this is steve's sister, just wondering if you guys were still around or not

great day in Spiders history . . . Sun Aug 30 2009 The Spiders storm back to beat the Iceholes in Game Two of the Summer 2009 Finals by a score of 9-5, and even the series at one game apiece. Porn and Red both flip off Icehole fans in stands, and the threat of parking lot violence ensues, to the point where everyone was afraid to leave the locker room.

Just checking in and wishing Pete all the luck in the world with his date last night. I hope he treats you right Petey!

I plan on showing up tonight, seeing who is in the locker room, and then leaving.....oh wait, I'm not Ted.

Attention everyone: Vagina boob. That is all.

Anybody home? Hello?

Mikey your Spiders Poll Question........ Maybe technology has just past you by cause the Spiders already have a Facebook page. Way to be in the loop. All the working you been doing has slowed you down a bit.

How do i lose a star for fighting...... I just stood by the bench and didnt even get a penalty. But good game Twinkle Toes Ford.

Mikey what the hell??? That was MY quote of the night, not Charlie's!!!!

We'd have totally won tonight with B, Ronnie, BrYan, and Stevie in the lineup. You guys missed the gayest fans ever. The Wolfpack actually had shirtless fans with "Wolfpack" spelled out in body paint.

I'll perhaps update more frequently in the coming months. The class I'm teaching ends in July, and I'm about this close to quitting my regular job to boot (I'm emulating Dave). So I'll have nothing to do all day but sit around and update the site again, just like the olden days. P.S. I guess you soccer fags are all still maturbating over the big U.S. win this morning, eh?

LOOKING FORWARD TO PLAYING S.I.D. ON MONDAY

I second that B.

About time with the update, Mikey

Mikey I blame you for the Steelers loss.

Site got hacked again and I lost all entries added since August. Seems to be fixed now. Had to disable the current Pittsburgh weather script on the main page. As if any of this matters, as I suspect that noone ever reads this site any more anyhow...

Cowabunga, dudes! Catching some tasty waves here in Cali, bros. Tough flight out, really killed my buzz, but we be jammin' on Redondo Beach tonight. Be back on Friday. 'Til then, hang ten, buds.

I have to say to say, I'm touched by everyone's concern over my "dissapearance" last week. And slightly aroused.

I voted for the spider puck with Mona cause as I understand they usually hack off a body part if you try to even take a picture of Mona. Look forward to seeing whats left of you Mikey at tonight's game.

Bon jour, mes amies! I've spent the last week and a half in Paris. And not only that, I've been visiting France. For those of you who may be wondering, I can confirm, there is indeed a place here where the naked ladies dance. Signing in now from a little cyber cafe along Boulevard Voltaire. Be back in time for our next game, hope you knocked them dead last week.

So I guess I need to carve time outta my schedule to get to the good ol' Plex to watch you guys crush some of these teams, Eh? (yes, unfortunately, I'm still alive and screaming - sorry for your ears!) Haven't been able to even think about getting on the ice - I wanna see what it looks like when a bunch of pros like you guys are skating around!

Who does Porn have to blow to get a #1 star in these here parts??? Also, Rich deserved something for sitting in the stands in business attire blackberrying away.

What a shock to hear that Michael Jackson died. Just last week he was quoted as saying he felt like a 13 year old boy.

I thought we won the last game 8-4?

I JUST WANTED TO APOLOGIZE FOR DICKING OFF THE PENGUINS NATION. I SHOULD HAVE SIGNED WITH YOU GUYS. DAM. DAM. DAM. I HAVE SO MUCH REGRET............ YOU MIGHT AS WELL START CALLING ME MORON HOSSA. SORRY.

GUINS WIN GUINS WIN!!! A great time was had by one and all at Ted's party. Including a inflatable cup stealing by Big Red. Hopefully we'll have pictures up soon. Hossa crying on the bench, PRICELESS!!!

Yes I am with FedEx, I am working in Florida, send me an email at my account I will give you the scoop. LONG LIVE KENNY G!!!!!

Hey! A blast from the past. Greetings and salutations. Working for FexEx now, I take it? Hey, if the Pens need our help, they really are in trouble, last night's victory not withstanding...

If this thing with the Capitals does not get any better you guys might have to step in and get the pens on track this weekend!!!! Kenny G might have to step in for some goal scoring power because Malkin is disappearing once again. Go Spiders

I taught Tyler Kennedy how to score goals! That was an exact replay from my goal on tuesday.

So, what was the verdict? Didya guys pull out a victory in my absence, or did you crash and burn?

Well if we had come across your bloody almost lifeless body we certainly would have stopped....and then rifled through your pockets for any change or gift cards. Also, you are a right handed shooter so i certainly would have lifted your sticks and also checked to see if that magnificent yellow Pens jersey was in your bag before we drove off

I saw that car in the field. It was just past where I almost bought the farm so you probably drove right over my tire tracks. Good thing Satan took the wheel for me, or you'd have been driving over my bloody corpse instead. Although perhaps Mrs. Dr. B could have saved me by plugging my ruptured aorta with some chewing gum and a twisty tie from the back of the Twink Mobile...

I drove about 20 mph from the heidelberg exit on 79 till the greentree exit on 279 as did everyone around me. Plus got to see a car go off of 79 about 30 yards into a field. Very excitign evening. Thanks PennDOT!

I'll have you know I almost died on the way home tonight. Spun the truck in the snow on 79. Luckily, Satan was my co-pilot.

WILL WE BE MISSING ANYONE TONIGHT?

In my defense, I normally pre-program the entire season schedule when it's first released. Given the past few seasons where we've gotten it two games at a time and with months in between games, I've been doing it manually and simply forgot last week. If we ever get back to having a full season schedule up front, I'll go back to automating the next game script.

I voted for Twink Mobile

COMMENT FOR THIS DATE IN SPIDER HISTORY...... YOUR WELCOME FOR THE 4 GOALS AND 1 ASSIST IN THE LAST 6 MINUTES. I HEARD THE SOME OF THOSE GUYS ARE STILL IN THERAPY THAT WE COME BACK LIKE THAT.

Hey guys, just wanted to let you know that lately I've been sitting around the house taking some really artistic and fun pictures of my genitalia. If any of you would like me to FedEx some of the pictures on out to you, just drop me a line and I'll get you some pics lickity-split!

So when are those pictures from the Mellon Arena going to be put up?

Meh, tell me when giant popes attack a condom...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxoY4gG7C98 Check it out!

Ok, first off, it's a sad testament to just how far this website has fallen that January 20th is the first post of the new year. That being said, to commemorate his inauguration, Barack Obama has chosen the following song as his Official Presidential Theme:

In the Barack Candy Mountains there's a land that's fair and bright
Where the handouts grow on bushes and you sleep out every night
Where the boxcars are all empty and the sun shines every day
On the birds and the bees and the cigarette trees
Where the lemonade springs where the bluebird sings
In the Big Barack Candy Mountains...

Let me just give my 2 cents about the three stars. If Porn doesnt get the number 1 star for tonight then no one should ever get the number 1 star ever again.

Then there wuz sheep-doods in teh field, an they wuz watchin teh sheep in teh dark. Iz vry vry boring. srsly. An suddenly, visible angel! An glory! O noez!! But teh angel sed, "DONT AFRAID OF ENYTHING! it r ok, you can has gud news for all teh doodz! Todai in da city ov David, you can has sayvur! is Christ da Lord! w00t! Iz sign fer u, find da baybee wrapd like brrito in a big fud dish." An suddenly, moar angelz! They sez, "w00t to teh Ceiling Cat! An peace fer doodz he luffs! Kthxbai." http://www.lolcatbible.com/

If you guys can handle it then I say go for it!

I say from now on if we win a championship we skate the thong around the ice. Mrs. Dr. B can be wearing it at the time or not, as she sees fit.

Long live the lure of the Spiders thong. Congrats guys! It was a fun game!

WE ARE THE MOTHERFUCKING CHAMPIONS BIIIIAAAAAATTTTCCCCCCCHHHHHHHEEEEESSSSSSSS

Very well, I stand corrected. Changes have been made.

Just for clarification Mikey, the quote was from my brother.

Aren't all of the games scheduled before midnight?

Nice one

Pseudo-unsportsmanlike?! I think my late goal was just the opposite: totally pseudo-sportsmanlike.

Glad to see I was in everyone's thoughts in the locker room during the playoff game. And besides, B's only jealous cause his wife looks at ME that way...... ;) Nice win the other night. Maybe they will schedule a game before midnight one night.

I officially protest the poll question.

I say it every Election Day but it never gets old: Vote early, vote often!

On the Spiders team page on sportability, under Spiders contact info, it has Pete's name for "head". What does that mean?

Good catch B. He made fun of me in his blog about the opener so I decided to email him and respond. We've actually been talking back and forth....he's a pretty good dude. I got a MAF autographed puck in the mail on Friday too.....see Ritchy, I took the hit for a reason. I wonder how much I can sell that for...............

Bryan is a media star. It's in the section listed under October 24th--- http://community.post-gazette.com/blogs/emptynetters/default.aspx?PageIndex=2

I will be out of Wednesdays game. I have a sprain or something on my left wrist. I want to rest it up for the playoffs.

It's always me Mikey.

An actual search just used to find our website: "women loving exploring looking at big hung studs cocks dick penis." Bren, is that you?

Q: What did the elephant say when he saw Petey naked?
A: "How do you breathe out of it?"

Since when did we begin referring to Pete as "Dumbo"?

Don't worry, no one is concerned about your health and safety. B was just asking because he wanted dibs on your jersey if you didn't pull through. P.S. Is there anyone on our team who DOESN'T know what it's like fucking Dumbo?

For all those truely concerned about my health and safety, (thanks B), I found out tonight that I actually sustained a concussion from my run in with that piece of vulcanized rubber. No, that was not a self diagnosis. I was told to stay home and rest for 48 hours..... Ferris Buhler's Day off Anyone?!?! Ridiculous.

BrYan, you should choose a different analogy for those on our team who don't know what it's like fucking dumbo.

You should were your helmet next time. Maybe you can sit with Charley up front.

Thanks for the honorary third star. It was hard earned, believe me. My ear is still swollen. I look like fucking dumbo.

Which gives me an idea. We should hold a vote for the all-time best Spiders "Quote of the Night." Except that if Charlie wins, he'd never stop masturbating over his trophy. Which is, of course, no different than any other day...

Thats a classic quote

Am I a pussy because this scene makes me cry?

Watch out! You don't want to be in the way when my laser goes off. - Buzz Lightyear, Star Command (also Charlie, before winding up for a hard slap shot)

Just a friendly reminder that I will not be at the game on Friday as I will be traveling to NYC to stop a certain former maple leafs player from signing with the rangers. That and I will also be stopping in Chinatown to find an asian player for Charlie.

YES! Another quote of the week! I'm like a freight train that can't be stopped.

Hey mikey, no mention of the 5-3 pk kill? Or of Charlie going to the bar afterwards so he could try to score with that chick from the other team?

No, no, no. You PWNED him! Not only that, but all his base are belong to you.

Everything is gay about Red. I owned him during my years at USC.

there is nothing gay about red

Sorry I was late with the site updates tonight, guys. I got home to find out Rush was on The Colbert Report and I had to stop masturbating over our new jerseys long enough to masturbate over seeing Rush on American TV for the first time in 30 years.

I voted Bee's Knee's, because this is Petey's favorite position.

I voted "failure" in the poll. Simple reason- anytime a question has to do with Petey and a possible response is failure I will always select it. Doesn't matter what question it is.

I leave you guys for one fucking playoff game and you can't even beat the Natural Disasters?! Vegas was ring a ding ding swingin' baby. A guy on the street sold me a front row George Carlin ticket for only fifty bucks! But then for some reason he never showed up. Siegfried and Roy said to say hi. Actually Siegfried said hi, Roy just mumbled in his wheelchair and then wet himself...

If we win tonight, anyone up for beers and watching the second game?

I did get the second goal. Thanks for the star. I think it's my first in two seasons. I also drew two penalties and took two penalties. That was a fun game.

According to the most up to the min stats in Pete's profile, I took more penalty minutes in one shift than Petey did the entire season. Come on Capt, show some heart and sole! Even Sid the kid took 39 PIMS this season

I would have included Porn as a number one star, not for his big saves keeping us in the game but for being the only one tapping his stick on the ice when I was slammed into the boards. He's my hero, so he tells me.

So the order has been filled, but when will it be completed? Or should I say successfully completed and delivered to the right people?

Steve, you have solidified your place in the Spiders Hall of Fame

Update from jersey hell: the order has been placed! The total cost will be 65 per jersey. This is for a higher quality logo than the original quote, with money from the Spiders slush fund used to offset most of the difference. Price includes socks.

My bad. I have a script where I enter the entire schedule at the beginning of each season. Obviously there was no ability to do so this time, so things got messed up. Corrections have been made.

Good call B, was gonna ask the same thing. GO SPIDERS

why does it say our next game is 8 pm vs knuckleheads and sportability says 940 vs wolfpack?

Basically, I think we learned what would happen if the Spiders moved up to the B league....

8-0? Geez, what happened last night?

Love the new logo...including the gold stripe here on the left....

Some words of inspiration for game six...

That was one epic motherfucking hockey game. Sykora calls his shot...

And there was much rejoicing. All seriousness aside, you mean the week of December 9th? 2012?

The Iceoplex is supposed to be up and running again sometime in the week of the 9th. Commence rejoicing.

Call Detroit, tell them bullshit!

And you can hop in the Cordova baby, we're goin' dancin' with Lord Stanley!

Stanley come home! this one was to easy, nothing like making Philly look silly!

Is anybody else under the impression that Adam doesn't like his name and wants to be called "AJ" from now on? It's ok with me if he doesn't like his given name, but if we're going to refer to him differently, let's go with something more descriptive of his personality. How about "Princess Tinkerbell Ticklebottom?"

ESPN: "The Penguins were scheduled to skate at 11:30 am Tuesday morning, but when a number of the players wanted to go on the Wachovia Center ice early, staff refused to turn on the lights over the ice." 3-0!

Classic. http://www.detroithockey.net/multimedia/1997/
03/26/first_detroitcolorado_brawl_from_beginning.php

Lost locker room pic of Mickey in the early spiders days....http://www.thescore.ca/sixpack/gary_mark.jpg

That Malkin goal was the shit...

So in other words the ice conditions at Southpointe now are exactly the same as they've been since 1997. No, alas, they disconnected the webcam years ago.

my wife was at Jay's yesterday, she said the ice is melted and there's a hole in the concrete where the zamboni enters...we're never gonna play there again. Mikey is there still a link for the webcam at southpointe?

No, you're thinking of acrotomophilia. Hey, I'm watching Letterman right now, and Paris Hilton is on. Apparently she plays ice hockey. Or at least did in high school.

Does that mean he has a fetish for women with amputated limbs?

He's ambidextrous...

Kenny G, you truly are a man's man. I thought you were joking about your finger being broken. Hope it wasnt on your jerking hand.

I'm warning this website not to get to gay...yeah I know, to late.

Gary Roberts once solved a Rubik's Cube in five seconds using only his dick.

WWBMD. SELL ALL HIS TICKETS,THATS WHAT. I'M WATCHING YOU.

Except that you're ignoring the implications of Logo One's association with Jeremiah Wright and the subsequent impact on Logo One's "electability."

I'll be the political expert and "call" Logo 1 the winner with only 66% of the vote in

Logo One is leading in the popular vote, but Logo Two has the edge in Super Delegates...

Very nice...it looks like logo 1 has won

ok,I've been trying to make this work for a couple years now. Looks like its working with our new logo. Check it out. I'm actually afraid someone will wear the spider thong to a game.

It's just a flesh wound...

For the record, make sure its in the team history that I played the rest of the game with a broken finger. autograhed x-ray pictures will be for sale at NHL.COM/AUTION later today.

I congratulate the Spiders on a hard fought game tonight with the tough circumstances our league has dealt for them. However, I'm confident that during our rink imposed lockout over the next month (probably gonna be 2) you'll be able to get your cap number under control and sign a regular goalie. I applaud you and wish you good luck.... You need a new building to surive though. Renevating the current one will only put off today's problems for tomorrow.

That's MR. Rick Rolling Faggot to you!

You Rick Rollin' faggot!!!

Anyone interested in free tickets to Friday night's Pens' game? http://tinyurl.com/2q9j9y

Who in the Sam Hill is this "AJ" of whom you speak?

The KO Sports jersey quote was around 55 each, see my email for details.

Extra ice time... Mt. Leb. approx 10 each. Let me know ASAP if you are in so I can reserve it. Monday 5-12-08 9-10PM and Thursday 5-15-08 at 830-930pm

That sounds pretty cool actually...nice one Adam

KoSports is going to send me a quote on Monday. less than 50 bucks with numbers and name on the front. If we send them a picture we can get a personalize emblem on the front. Maybe do the S with flames would look cool similar to the Calgary C with flames.

Where is this email birthday announcement Kenny G supposedly sent? I never received it. Either that or I'm now so old and so senile that I just don't remember it. *sigh* Another year shot to hell. On the bright side, it's one year closer to the sweet embrace of death and the end of this miserable existence.

Happy birthday Mikey, try not to spend too much time thinking about philosophy. And by philosophy I mean porn. And by porn, I mean "gay porn".

Kenny G said so in the email...i was just the only one nice enough to respond

How the hell did you know it was my birthday? Have you been rifling through my trash again?

Happy birthday Mikey. Go get yourself laid. You'll like it I promise. Don't be scared.

I wouldn't worry about using the surplus money to buy jerseys. safe that for logos setup fees.

Remember that we do have some money in the bank, and might have surplus depending league fees wherever we play next season.

Later tonight or whenever I get a chance, I'll grab images and post them on the main page so we can compare jerseys side by side. I was saying to Kenny G last week at the playoffs that I really like the look of the new Ottawa socks, but they're that RBK Edge crap so not only do they probably suck to wear, they're $30 a pop.

I like the Ottawa red, don't have a preference for white. Check out this site. Page two has some interesting Team Canada and Ottawa 67s jerseys in red/black/white.
http://www.hockeyjerseysdirect.com/hjd/ak-pro1.asp

Sounds good to me.....if we stick with red and black my vote goes to ottawa, phoenix or calgary

I can design a logo. I am a designer by profession. We should stick with red and black, since most of us have those colored socks. That brings me to another thought. I heard a long time ago that the color of your teammates socks are more important than the jersey, since that is what you see in your peripheral vision when your puck handling. We should get a pack of matching socks a well.

Both the ottawa one and calgary are nice

I'm up for the calgary jerseys. My other 2 suggestions would be Chicago or the red 3rd sweater the Senators had a couple years ago.. I'd like to stay with a red/black combo. Here's the next question,are we staying the Spiders? do we want a new spider logo?

I vote for either Philly orange, Montreal or Calgary http://www.hockeygiant.com/jersey---apparel-hockey-
jerseys-nhl-gamewear-hockey-jerseys.html#top

Adam was our Gary Roberts tonight. And to follow in the footsteps of GR (and Chuck Norris before him), we need to get "WWAJD" bracelets and start a list of "Adam Jones Facts." I'll start: "Adam destroyed the periodic table because he only believes in the element of surprise."

watch a little hockey...play a little hockey.

Reading the past couple entries into the guestbook here and all I can say is.....yeah....thats getting into creepy territory there......and some people have too much time on their hands...aka Mikey.....and with regards to B's post....well know I know why he always says his nights are booked.....

I manage to tire Petey out every other night so dont worry about it!

You're just figuring that out now? Seriously, though, if you want to give your plan a shot tomorrow, let's go for it. Although it won't work if Petey is one of the centers, as he never gets tired...

You're a weird dude man.

And if your Bethel team jumped off a cliff would you want us to do it as well?

I'd love to an innovator but this is what we did on my Bethel team so I'm just taking the idea from there. You would use 3 centers as really centers should be skating more than any other position so theoretically should be tiring out faster.

Not only is the man a magician on the ice, now he wants to dazzle us with his coaching expertise. All seriousness aside, the only problem I see with that logic is that your three centers will all be going two shifts without skating instead of rotating the two shifts down between all the forwards. Or, if we have eight up front, everybody except the double shifter is on the bench for two line changes. Or am I misinterpreting?

Fully aware i misspelled Wednesday

Just a thought... I know most of us hate having someone "play through" a line so maybe we can the following starting on Wenesday if everyone agrees. If we have 7 forwards we can play with 2 sets of wings and 3 centers...if we have 8 lets just have one guy a period double shift and play with three lines. that will eliminate the 8 consecutive minutes we sit when we are down.

Roberts was a beast out there tonight.

We need our own Gary Roberts....

my prediction for game one. Ruutu scores the game winner at 4AM

B, if the wind blows you get a boner. P.S. Kenny G and I will be there. We'll be the ones wearing Penguin jerseys. If anyone is looking for tickets, I hear Bryan is selling. His seats are right behind second base. All you have to do is respond to his "Casual Encounters" ad on Craigslist.

I just got the most hugest boner ever after reading that!!!! Anyone else going to the game tonight?

More evidence that Mikey is a raging homosexual: I've scored 183 goals, to go along with 186 assists, for a total of 369 points. Which means I average .52 goals per game, .53 assists, and 1.05 points per game (based on 350 total Spiders regular season games, not taking into account the handful of games I've missed due to anal warts over the years). I've tallied 13.12% of all goals the Spiders have ever scored, and figured in on 26.47%. Did I mention I'm a raging homosexual?

Just think, without Pete's offensive contribution our goals for would probably only be 3.97 a game.

It all turned around when I joined the team. He he he. Coincidence? Analwarts.

You are correct, sir. Did you also know that we have now played 350 total regular season games? We average 3.98 goals per game, we give up an average of 4.42 per game, and our overall winning percentage is .428 Looking back over the results page, geez, did we ever suck. We went eight seasons without a winning record between 2002 and 2004, never had more than four wins during that stretch, and three times had only one win.

Mikey, you forgot to mention that last night was the Spiders 150th reg.season win. Pete was going to treat everyone to DairyQueen last night but someone locked him in the showers.

I was worried about that mofo until he put me on my back with 1:15 left in the game. And then he said "you alright" and I swear I thought it was Darth Vader.

That defenseman's face was fucking purple. I was actually legitimately worried about him in the 3rd.

Fo' shizzle my nizzle...

Charley, this might help us get our black playa.
http://sites.gizoogle.com/index2.php?url=http%3A%2F%2F www.lawngeese.com%2Fspiders%2Fentries.html

You mean there are message boards other than the guestbook?

If you go on the message board for the D league on sportability, you can see the natives are restless from other teams as well regarding scheduling.

Although by mentioning it you probably jinxed us and we'll still be sitting on win number 149 come March 2012, I'm not objected to it. What did you have in mind?

According to the Game Results section our next win will be the Spiders francise 150 win. Should we plan anything for for it?

I vote for Bob Log III to be the official Spiders house band. http://www.boblog111.com/video-boob-scotch.html

Now we know what Porn was doing over spring break. http://tinyurl.com/27wxgm

Ha ha ha.

We already have a Crosby. Pete.

I hear that Crosby is not playing tonight so he can play with the spiders?

So I can get a star by standing at their blueline and getting a garbage goal? I shouldn't have listened to my coaches. BTW, those goals were Ted's fault. No more D for Tbone.

Fuck you Mikey.

I love you puckbag.

I would have been at the game on time, however, I had to help commit Kenny to WPIC after his separation from the puckbag put him into emotional and mental distress.

Disgraceful I tell you

Do you guys have any idea how much 'batin time I wasted driving all the way out to South Park for nothing?

Goalies? We don't need no stinking goalies!

Just play posts...what the fuck do we need goalies for?

Mikey, medication time!

Since when did the guestbook grow a fucking conscience? If you guys feel so bad for him, just buy a copy of his forthcoming posthumous CD. It's entitled "Long Time, No See."

Wow

I think we have now officially hit a new low for jokes in Spider history. That's just plain wrong.

Jeff Healey died. The worst part is, he never saw it coming.

Here ya go, B - http://tinyurl.com/2qwtlp

That ringtone was in fact gay

And I bet you gave yourself a third star for doing so. It would have been well deserved!

I once scored an empty net goal from the parking lot.

I would just like to file a formal protest for my being unjustly denied a third star. I did score the insurance goal. Yes, it was empty net. But it was from the red line just to be clear. Screw you hippies!

Yoi. Double yoi, and triple yoi. http://tinyurl.com/2mt9w9

Going through pete's team files, I see that there is nothing in your contract that states you have to show up on time Kenny, however, there is a stipulation in there that the puck bag has to show up on time.

Actually pete does have a no trade clause, which is why management (aka pete) decided to look into trading our leading goal scorer, Rich, along with our ice time leader, Gary, plus the rights to Mikey's hairstylist to the Boomers, who are in the midst of rebuilding and would be possibly able to give us an additional puck bag, a water bottle, and a leash so B can take Porn for walks.

Inspired by Connor James, I will not show up until the middle of the second period for the rest of our season, and yes I will score the clinching goal.

The intelligentsia amongst you will find this hilarious. Which of course means that absolutely none of you will find this hilarious. http://tinyurl.com/33xnrf

Petey does have a no trade clause, but he's willing to waive it if we can get something of equal or greater value in return. Like a bucket of used pucks or a jockstrap to be named later.

did you guys see where thursday nite at 8. bethel park and mt.lebo are playing hockey at south park. see what we started.

Does Pete have a no trade clause?

What's with you guys and Lindsay Lohan? Kenny asked me about those pics last week. At least she's natural, she's got that going for her, but I've seen better. http://tinyurl.com/23su44

What does it take to get Mikey to throw some of those new Lindsey Lohan pics on the page? And to quote Mark Madden, "Even with all those dudes shes gone through, and all the drugs and alcohol, damn are those nice topless pics of her."

If it doesn't snow tomorrow night, we'll be playing under a lunar eclipse. Either that or a big angry monster in the sky will be eating the Moon, in which case we'll have to sacrifice Pete at center ice in order to appease it.

I checked out my video from the mellon, the best part is porn beating jeff with the stanley cup. I just have to find a way to transfer it to dvd. can anyone help out.

Fast forward to the 35 second mark: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=REFEMvWM524

I got real nervous when I saw someone signed in as my mom but that was acceptable and funny. Hey you guys have fun tonight and think of me while you're out on the ice and also when you masturbate.

Dear Mr. Kotter, please excuse B from class tonight. He has a raging case of anal warts. Signed, B's Mom.

I excuse Brendan from class tonight so he may play at the mellon arena, as long as he hooks me up with the new team owner. p.s. you guys need a black guy on the team.

Good first game back, guys. Too bad we just got word that we had to forfeit this game and that we've been kicked out of the league for not being gay enough. I tried to argue that we were, but they wouldn't listen. I told you we were never going to play again.

Mikey, I'm not sure about an asteroid hitting the arena on Sunday, but there is a CNN report that an old spy satelite is due to lose its orbit and crash somewhere within the next couple of weeks.

YOU ARE VERY RIGHT MIKEY THEY DONT......... BUT SINCE I WEAR ORANGE SWEATS NOT SOCKS THAT DOESNT APPLY TO ME. SEE YOU ALL ON SUNDAY. BRING YOUR A GAME!!!!!!!!!!

Even if they were, Pete tells me that we just signed Plaxico. P.S. Red is just yankin' your crank. The Beavers don't let their players wear orange socks.

That's a good analogy actually...though without their ringers that team ain't no Patriots

Weren't they getting rid of that team and all of its ringers??? I seem to recall Anthos saying they were history for good. Or was it more like, say the handling of spygate, the team lost a draft pick, got fined, but are still allowed to play and how dare anyone mention it again?

NO......SERIOUSLY. THEY TOLD ME TO BRING A GOLD OR LIGHT COLOR JERSEY UNTIL THEY GET ME A MATCHING BEAVER JERSEY.

Yeah, and did you hear they're removing the word "gullible" from the dictionary?

What? Seriously?

MAN DOES THAT STINK FOR THE SPIDERS. I CALLED AND WAS PLACED ON A TEAM AT THE ICOPLEX AND WOULDNT YOU GUESS MY TEAM IS THE BEAVERS. LOOK FOR A 7-14 GOAL EFFORT FOR NOT MAKEN ROOM FOR ME ON TH.E NEW ERA TEAM. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jess, I am so very sorry about Tabitha. She was a terrific lady and while we are all saddened by her passing, heaven just became a much better place. Godspeed Call me when you get a chance

"What dreams may come, when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause..." Condolences to you on the loss of your friend. May the cherished memories of the times you shared offer some small measure of consolation.

It is with a sad and heavy heart that I share the following with you: my friend Tabitha, loyal Spider fan for the 2003-2004 season, has passed on. She died Tuesday, January 15th. So next time we get to gather at Jay's as a team, we shall tip a pint to you, Tab, and wish you well on your way. I will miss you truly and dearly. Godspeed.

Hi guys sorry I didn't make it last week but I was stuck in Hoser's car. I'll be there tonight. hugs and smoochies, The Puck Bag.

I got an email from Anthos, the Fall league is about to enter the playoffs and he expects the next season to start early Feb. We are officially on the "invite" list for next season.

I blow Mike Tomlin.

I blow goats.

I blow dudes

I'm in the best shape of my life.

Dear family, for third wednesday night in a row,I take landlord's car for late night drive through South Park. There is always group of people trying to play hockey like me.I beep horn at them and shout wahoo!I don't know why. Maybe because they make me laugh like clowns at circus. Also on New Year's day I play hockey game outdoors in city like Siberia called Buffalo. We win game but I freeze my kosacks off. New friend Petey says he will help me with that. He scare me. love Evgeni 1-3-2008

Hey, I hope everyone got to watch me in the big game yesterday. Has the Iceoplex scheduling gotten worse since late 2006? Is Drew still in charge?

Speaking of Indianapolis, did you hear about the commercial endorsement Peyton Manning turned down? Neither did I...

I would like to be at the winter classic 2 but I am in the process of moving to Indianapolis, Indiana (No Hockey Team). I wish all the spiders past and present a Happy, Safe and Prosperous New Year. Good Luck on the second.

It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A.

Sure sounds good I'll email him

if someone reads this sunday, let Ted know I'll be there. I have the puck bag, can we call this our version of the winterclassic?

I would like to wish everyone a belated happy Forced Sentiment Poultry Slaughter Day.

Sounds like a plan. Schenley is open and relatively cheap

Has there been any news on getting the team back together? I was wondering if anyone would be interested in getting some ice time to practice. Any thoughts?

The website seems to be working well. Is there anymore info on the Civic Arena night.

Kenny G, couldnt we get the arena once before and once after??? Why the hell not right?

But first, a moment of silence for Marcel Marceau.

I can make the call, just need to know is everyone up for it before x-mas or after. then find out what saturdays,sundays are open. guess we'll shoot for a evening time again.

Are we still going to rent the Arena this fall?

AND FOR THE REAL RECORD FOR EJECTIONS IS HELD BY BILL. KENNY WILL CONFIRM THIS.HE IS LOCATED UNDER THE ALUMNI SECTION OF THE SITE.

hey. there will be no red comments unless i am part of the conversation. by the way i have the answer to the upper saint clair team........1 red from bethel park is better than 5 from saint clair......and if you guys switch to ice castle can big red come back?

Talk is cheap. Wait and see what actually happens....call me a pessimist, but I'm not convinced.....

I think his name is steve.

Damn Anthos handled that situation!

This one is only meaningful to Olde Tyme Spiders. I was perusing the P-G site when I came across a headline that read "Two Washington County Men Walk Away After Plane Crash." I thought to myself any sentence that contains the phrases "Washington County" and "plane crash" must involve Dale. Sure enough: http://tinyurl.com/2cu6t7. With pictures: http://tinyurl.com/ypz8fb Thankfully he's ok. What is it with former Spiders narrowly escaping death recently?

I don't care much either way, but if we are going to change more than just rinks, my inclination would be to keep the name and just go with new uniforms and/or logos. If the consensus is to change the whole enchilada, I'm ok with it, although if you expect me to redesign the entire website you're asking a lot. P.S. New nickname for Steve: "The Ejector." Or is that too similar to Porn's nickname "The Ejaculator?"

Good season, regradless of the outcome...with regards to Stevie. maybe we need to get him a foam bat to work out that aggression......kenny g suggested changing uniforms when we go to what will probably be ice castle...anyone elses thoughts on that?

I want to make sure this is on the record: I was ejected from last night's game. It's the first time I've ever been ejected from anything (except for one time I was ejected from a golf cart, but that was accidental and due to excessive alcohol consumption). If we change our team name, do the team records carry-over? I have Red's team record for ejections in my sights (not to be confused with Porn's team record for emissions).

Rich made the Quote of the Night in the locker room before you arrived. To echo everyone else's sentiments here and on email, we gave 'em hell, we fought the good fight, we can hold our heads high, we shouldn't take any wooden nickels, and the moss is always greener on the other side of the horse's mouth. Farewell to Southpointe, we'll be sure not to let the door hit us in the ass on the way out...

Good game tonight guys, we showed a lot of heart. Hopefully Anthos will do something about this shit cause it's gettin old. Mikey, when did that quote come from from Richy tonight? Was I on the ice, I didn't even hear that?

Just to follow up from what we talked about in the lockerroom the other night. ice Castle's seasons are 1,100 a season compared to the 1,300 or 1,400 we pay now. Plus the have designated nights for their leagues that they let you know about ahead of time. Also we get ice time for one practice session if we play there.

No need to be embarrassed, Dave, we all know you're going to make a wonderful wife. Is Petey your maid of honor?

So then I guess I don't have to worry about showing up at the wrong kind of ceremony when I'm there as a guest.

Congrats, Dave. I didn't realize gay marriage was legal in New York.

Best of luck in the first round of the playoffs, due to the wonderment that is southpointe scheduling, as the playoffs were delayed so long, I will be in NYC for a wedding, so hopefully you win.

A complete MP3 song from the album: http://tinyurl.com/2ng4oh
A YouTube video about the album: http://tinyurl.com/36ygdf
Buy the album: http://tinyurl.com/3yrvvp

Mikey, we'll put you in charge of finding this one. this morning on WDVE they were talking about a hockey instruction album made by Guy Lafleur in the late 70's, done to disco music. I think dve has the link.

Hey guys - just wanted to let you know I have an email out to Anthos waiting to hear what the playoff schedule looks like - he had mentioned the playoffs being on the 18th(??) but I haven't heard anything past that.

I refuse to update the site unless you pay me twice what we're paying Petey. All seriousness aside, Mike M sent me the pictures (BTW, he was on the bridge in Minnesota the morning before it collapsed, but thankfully he's ok), I'll edit and post them soon. I had to change some things around, and I may be switching hosting companies, so if you come across broken links or error messages, bear with me. P.S. Wasn't "Dante's Inferno Room" the name of the strip club in Beetlejuice?

We should dock our webmaster's pay. Searching for pictures from the Spiders' ten-year anniversary is like searching for a winning attitude in the Detroit Lions' locker room.

shameless family plug, for the best of the blues, check out Dante's Inferno every thursday night at Sunseri's at 3385 Babcock Blvd in the North Hills from 8 until midnight.

I got to be honest, Steve actually brings up my favorite Spider moment ever. It was a legendary Matt momment

Nomination for top-10 moments in Spiders' history: sometime in the mid 0's (of Y2K), Matt is engaged in a rare heated conversation with members of the other team, the refs, the scorekeeper, his own bench, people in the stands, patrons of Jay's, and some guys playing night golf on the 7th tee at Southpointe. After being booted from the game (inexplicably), he looks into the stands, grabs the groin area of his hockey pants, and yells "RIGHT HERE OLD MAN!". After a shower, and before the game ends, Matt is seen shaking hands with aforementioned "old man", leading to the inevitable question on the Spiders' bench: "wonder what he meant by that 'right here' comment?".

Hey, pipe down back there, or I swear, I'll turn this guestbook around!

whats this now about Mikey having lunch with the Mayor and talking about his tail and something about Brian's vagina? You damn kids, get off my lawn!

I thought Matt said vagina call but maybe I'm wrong

I just saw Mayor Ravenstahl having lunch at Uncle Sam's in Oakland. I asked him about funding for the new Spiders arena. Here endeth my tale.

Mikey....as the proud former Captain/Co-Owner/team putter-together person of Two for Roughing, the brief team that skated only 2 summers but won a championship in year 2 of our existence, I must ask what the Vagina Call refers to and whom you are reffering to as the vagina on my team. Hence, I do not remember such an interesting term being used to describe a penalty in one of our games.

A modern day warrior named Tom Sawyer, he floated down a river on a raft with a black guy...http://tinyurl.com/2wqrx3

i will be there tonite

guys, I will not be at friday's game.

Greetings from inside The Beltway. Not exactly the rollicking good time N'Awlins was last year, but certainly something every American should experience at least once. B, don't tell me you're a tree-huggin' hippie liberal douchebag. Are we gonna have to start another long and protracted political debate? BTW, Dubya says to say good luck Spiders, but that he doesn't much care for hockey because of how cold it has to be for the freezification of the ice. (P.S. I'll edit out the guestbook spam when I return.)

i will be at the game tonight.see you at 9

How the hell is it that the spiders guestbook keeps getting spammed??

You can tell him some other things that arent exactly "hello" from me.

Sorry, guys, won't be there on Friday, I'm off to DC to rap with the Prez. No site updates until Tuesday. I'll tell W. everyone says hello.

B who?

I think I may retire permanently, you all obviously dont need me around after winning all these games.

Nah, that was just guestbook spam that I edited out...

Who is this dude, must be PORN..

This is pretty fuckin' funny, too. (Again, can't take credit.) "And, of course, there's the whole 'Han shot first' stuff from the Episode IV remake. Rumor has it that in the next remaster to HDTV, Han and Greedo will hug in the bar, Greedo has a heart attack, and dies while whispering 'I love you Han.'"

A preview of the top stories to be reported on the news tonight, in order of importance. Didn't author it, but damn, I find it funny. And unfortunately all too true.

1. Paris Hilton back to jail.
2. Paris Hilton's attorney upset.
3. Paris Hilton's makeup artist broke.
4. Lindsey Lohan next?
5. Iranian President: "Prince of Peace."
6. Danny Glover visits North Korea.
7. Cure for cancer discovered.
8. George Bush eats school children.
9. Paris Hilton - new video discovered.
10. Mitt Romney's marriage history.

Kenny, i cant make it sunday. sorry ted

Sorry guys , wont be able to make it tonight. Played 3 games in 5 days, and cant make 4/6 . My boss would fire me for sure..See u next game though.

sorry guys about the, uh, lacking goalie. I thought that I was covered thru Stevo, but guess we missed paths....yeah, i know, I'm a shitty manager. I'm truly working on gettin' us a replacement for the season until Porn is done w/ his homosexual love triangle on the side for the season.

let me know if porn wont be there, i can prob get one..

please somebody find us a goalie, I would hate to have to tie Mikey to the goal like goldberg.

This is some of the funniest shit I've read in a long, long time... http://tinyurl.com/2r6ouj

Q: What did the one prophet say when he met the other prophet?
A: "You're fine, how am I?"

Sure Mike. Why wouldnt we want you to?? Hopefully see you thursday

Doesn't matter to me, I'm still in mourning. I'll never be able to listen to "Tiny Bubbles" the same way again.

Do u guys want me to play this thursdays game. i can do some schedule switching if u need an extra man..let me know.Mike Siebieda

I am interested in your Spider jerseys I saw in several pictures. My boutfriend plays for an I league Hocley team here in Dallas Texas. Those spider jerseys rock. Do you know where I could purchase one? size XXL or XXXL

Any clue on when iceoplex is going to reschedule our game??? PS- Pens in 6

LETS GO PENS! hit the senators so hard that they line up on the wrong side of a faceoff!

First off, I'm glad we won tonight, but we couldn't have had such a great season without the training Rich Caruso gave us. Thank you, Rich!I haven't read the message board in a while as I've been busy. It's difficult to play profesional hockey and read www.thehun.com everyday!

Bar after the game on Saturday. Dont be a puss

http://tinyurl.com/2ek7kl

You can be overwhelmed and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed? Did I even spell that right?

Funny you should mention that subject, seeing as how my recent ticket karma has been pretty damn kick ass. Full compliment of Pens playoff tickets, scored 5th row for this summer's Rush concert duing last week's pre-sale, and had a great seat for Ann Coulter's lecture at Pitt on Sunday. But no, your email message from last week about the Spiders website having the answers to all questions has inspired my next useless, time-wasting creation. I'll post here or send out an email once it's ready. Prepare to be underwhelmed...

Mikey you should coordinate with Ticketmaster and put a link on this webpage where fans can buy tickets to our games online! What an idea!

>Won't be at the game on Saturday, but damnit I believe in you gays!
There. I fixed your post for you.

Won't be at the game on Saturday, but damnit I believe in you guys!

First off, we're having problems with spambots posting in the guestbook again. I had to eliminate about 20 entries today. I keep trying to make modifications to the guestbook script to block them, but if things get too bad I'll look into password protecting like I was going to do last time we went through this. And in response to Erik, the address in the header of the message Jess sent out yesterday had you at mullen.com, so there ya go. It's actually our way of saying you're fired.

I haven't gotten an email from Jess lately. I'm not sure if she has my new email address.

I've got several interesting links to post. Let's start with this one. First the Iranians are trying to nuke us, now they're attempting to infiltrate us by creating sheep that have "partly human organs." On the plus side, you only feel 85% of the guilt you normally experience when fucking barnyard animals. http://tinyurl.com/24248g

i too am a bastard, for i will not be at game either...sorry?

Add me to Ye Olde Potential Bastard List. All depends on whether or not I can get out of work early tonight...

You bastard.

Sorry guys, I can't make monday's game.

Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "beating a dead horse." http://tinyurl.com/2ld8l3

Mikey...I have a feeling you are the ONLY one who knew it was Bach's bday...therefore you won't be the first to wish him a happy day, but the only...... ehhh on 2nd thought.... HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU LOUSY OLD COMPOSER YOU

I'm glad you pointed out that was Bach. I thought at first it was a picture of you, Mikey

Let me be the first to wish everyone a Happy Bach's Birthday!

Dude, when we lose 11-3 WE ALL played like ass!

Mikey....Please send me the password again. I have tried all my passwords, all 2 of them, and i cant figure out what i could have told you....thanks. PS..I think i am going to stay back on the ol blue line. My play was horrible last night. I havnt played O since high school, and my positioning is WAAAAAAAYY off. On D, its second nature....See u guys next week...

My wife was both thrilled and honored to be part of the quote of the night. She was actually.

11 seasons, eh? Well, it's like Kermit the Frog always says: "Time's fun when you're having flies."

Holy shit! I've been around for 11 seasons! I just read the team history and was stunned to learn this fact.

In retrospect, it probably was a mistake on my part to attempt to play hockey while in the midst of a three day coke bender, being possessed by evil spirits, and suffering from explosive diarrhea. Oh well, live and learn.

Mikey, thanks for the star, but you should know I only passed it to you because I didn't want to look like some moron missing an empty-netter (better to leave that up to a linemate).

How bout dem Pens and dem der Spiders n'at. Just finishing up a ski trip at Whistler. I'm in Vancouver now, flying back to the home of the 5th place in the Eastern Conference Pens!!! Hope yinz didn't miss me too much on Sunday. Cya next week

Mike S and Brian, edit your profiles so your teammates can get to know the "real you"

And that would be different from every other day how?

I was so excited at the news I ran through my neighborhood and dry humped any passerbys

Its a great day for Hockey indeed. Mario not selling team, and the PENS AINT GOIN NO WHERE...This beers for you Pittsburgh Penguins and all the great fans. LETS GO PENS and spiders!

And now, we're up to our long distance dedication. It reads: "Dear Casey, I'm a young man stationed in a warehouse in Moon Township, Pennsylvania. Even though I haven't been to a Penguin game in years, I've been sporting a tremendous woody ever since they announced the new arena deal. My wife said get the hell away from me with that thing, so I decided to request a song instead. Casey, would you please play 'Happy Happy Joy Joy,' and dedicate it to those fucking fans? My hat's off to them. Signed, Kenny G." Well Kenny, here's your song.

ITS A GREAT DAY FOR HOCKEY IN PITTSBURGH! Unknown to most people of Pittsburgh, the hold up in the new arena negotiations was whether or not the Spiders would be able to continue renting ice time at the new arena. Gov.Rendell was against it, in between his philly cheese steak belches, as for Mario, he simply said, Of course, you've got to have dat eh!

One day I feel I'm ahead of the wheel, and the next it's rolling over me... http://www.rush.com

Spiders win! Spiders win!

I always thought we were an autocracy. Or at least an oligarchy.

We're pretty democratic, so if you want to play up, by all means do it!

How abewt them Pens. Man i would kill to get some tickets now...im ready for tom. nights game. See u all then..

you guys think i should stay back on D or move up to offense. I would rather play D, but feel i may be able to help a little more on the scoreboard on a forward line.

I updated it and I feel fantastic for doing so

I THINK I've got the problems with the profiles fixed. If anybody is so inclined, try it and let me know. I've got your passwords if you've forgotten them. I'll send out an email notification for those that might not check the site...

I'm just glad to see this message board back in action. I think our power play unit should be everyone get off the ice and just let Pete handle it by himself.

For the record boys, my 4th goal the other night was not on a breakaway. It was a 2 on 1 sorta deal, with another guy chasing me down on my heels. I just threw it far side against the grain inside the left post.....certainly not as bad as make it sound with me trying to run it up...haha

I think we should set up some Special Teams Lines. At least a PP line.

It's called "Mikey has no life," B. I drove home in a driving rainstorm at 70mph just so everyone could sleep comfortably tonigh knowing who got a star and who didn't. Hey, speaking of profiles, Pete the Meat Man pointed out to me on the bench tonight that profile updates aren't working. I attribute it to the fact that our hosting company switched data centers, and some file paths changed. But that was back in October. Which just goes to show how often you bozos try to update your pages. I'll look into it. Likewise, any new guys who want a profile, email me with your name and what password you'd like to use.

Damn Mikey that was a fast update

you're asking for alot New Mike.

If i get the Spiders 1300th goal. can i be put under player profiles.?

Hey, I just emailed Jess the other day about jerseys/socks. I know KO-sports,Canonsburg always had some stock. I wouldn't wear one of charlie's. they make him trip. Lets get that win tonight boys!REMINDER the next goal scored is the spider's 1300 reg. season goal.

Hey Mike S, check with Charlie at the game on Thursday, he got two jerseys with numbers online for pretty cheap. I forget where he told me but it was like 20 bucks a jersey.

What is the chances of me being able to purchase a Spiders jersey. Maybe this will improve my game...? My last 2-3 games have been horrible. See you guys tom. night. - New Mike

At least Petey wears panties...

Seeing how fast her stock has fallen that's probably true.

I see at http://www.hockeytraderumors.com that we're trading Petey for Britney Spears can anyone confirm this?

The real reason why Porn isn't playing tonight: http://tinyurl.com/2psz8n

http://tinyurl.com/2s5o67 Bonus points if you can explain the significance of the number five.

Wake the kids! Call the neighbors! It's official, the new Rush album "Snakes and Arrows" will be released on May 1st! I think I'm going to go wait in line now. For those of you keeping score at home, the name "Snakes and Arrows" refers to the ancient Hindu game upon which the more commonly known game "Chutes and Ladders" is based. It is not, as you might think, based upon Hamlet's "To be or not to be" soliloquy in which Shakespeare uses the phrase "slings and arrows." Unless of course Neil and the boys were aiming for a double entendre. Ah, it's times like now that make you realize men have nipples too... http://www.rush.com

DJ sent me everyone's pics from our last mellon arena night, I'll bring them to the next game.

This is quite possibly the dumbest toy I've ever seen. http://tinyurl.com/3c4a3g

Check yer email, smart guy!

I spent all week on pins and needles waiting with baited breath in hopeful anticipation of viewing the elusive and illustrious Can/Am hockey tournament brochure. Now, here I sit, a broken man with a shattered dream. Oh, woe is me! But I guess B had a good excuse. He was probably camped out in his living room so he'll be sure to get a good seat in front of the TV for American Idol on Tuesday. P.S. If anyone cares to post the actual names of the new guys, I'll be sure to update the Three Stars accordingly.

Does anyone else kinda think its a little fucking crazy it's been this long with no schedule update. Be sure to let me know if you are in for the tourney!

Good news, B! It's safe for you to wear them in public now. And no, we're not wearing them as our new uniforms for Niagra Falls. http://tinyurl.com/yocbxw

http://casinoniagara.com/ Or maybe Casino Viagra?

I'm very very very gay. And by that I mean I blow goats. I'm expecting to get my highly important brochure from Can-Am in the next day or two and will have more details for everyone then. I defintely want to do this and will take the lead in putting it together. Spiders Night at Casino Niagara??

You watch American Idol?!? B, I must say, up until now, I had my doubts about your homosexuality. I kept telling myself, "Well, maybe he's just experimenting. Maybe it's just a phase he's going through. Maybe he just thinks Clay Aiken is a really talented singer." In retrospect, I guess I never should have believed you when you claimed you just slipped on the ice and your dick accidentially fell into Porn's ass. Twice.

No seriously, I think it was for the massage place or something where she works. I'm embarassed to say i saw it during American idol.

The commercial was for Ushurrfuktin, the only drug approved by the FDA to treat erectile disfunction, anal warts, crabs, athlete's foot, mange, simple chronic halitosis, tourette's syndrome, and "that not so fresh feeling" all at the same time.

what commercial is that? and yes, the canam tourneys are a blast.

Did anyone else see Jess in that TV commercial!!??

Kenny and I (and our old pal Johnny) attended a couple of Can/Am tournaments in Chatham, ONT with our old team the Angry Armadillos way back in the late 80s. Fun time, but don't kid yourselves, the Canadian definition of the term "beginner" means "not currently on an NHL roster." First year we lost our first game 13-0 and thought it couldn't possibly get any worse. Second game we lost 15-0 to a team with a one-legged goaltender. I shit you not. In two years and four games we were outscored 43-1. Of course the Armadillos sucked and it's not really about the hockey, is it? It was a great time and I'd definitely be up for it.

Oops, I guess it would help to explain "this" Adult hockey tournaments in Niagara Falls, Toronto and Lake Placid. http://www.canamhockey.com

Anybody interested in doing something like this?

You forgot AKA "Mr. Monad."

There were two stars that night: 1. DefensemanMike and 2. The Meaty One (aka, Petey so meaty, aka El Capitan, aka The Gay One).

So, i guess i went from NEW MIKE, to MEaty Mike. Thats cool. U can just call me meaty. Hopefully i can help put a little more this season.

Because it has happened at least twice over the years, I've finally wised up and wrote a script to backup this entries file every six hours, so even if I do mess up and inadvertantly delete someone's post, as long as it's more than six hours old we should be able to recreate it. We now return you to your regularly scheduled life, already in progress...

B and Steve, I think I inadvertantly messed up your recent posts. The sign-in data is still there, but the message text disappeared. My bad. If you have copies or remember what you wrote, send it to me and I'll paste it back in...

I have had it with these motherfucking scorpions on this motherfucking plane!

A rare photo of Saddam Hussein's cat. BTW, who won the fucking game?

News flash: I wasn't there tonight. Not sure if anybody noticed. Post scores and stars and I'll make the updates...

They are for most of the month of January. After that, I'm not sure. http://www.letsgopens.com/practice.php

hey, did yinz see where the pens practiced at Southpointe yesterday? I hear their lockerroom was bare, even the carpet removed. I'm just amazed that nobody got injured due to that crappy ice. Anyone know if this is a permanent move for them?

All I want for xmas is the damn medical probation period to be over so i can play hockey again....oh yeah, and for more updates to the webpage, a couple million dollars, to see some hot lesbians in the locker room whenever I return, some new skates, oil prices to dip slightly, my other stocks to go up, and if theres time, for someone to cook me some lobster tails.....but seriously, mikey, stop playing pool with dj and put some updates in, like perhaps mellon arean pics??!!!??? Oh yeah, good luck in the finals you bastards.

I'm guaranteeing a victory in Game 2

Happy Kwanzaa everyone

You all suck....Merry Christmas.

He also used to not shoot pool at Jay's until 1am.

Mikey used to be faster on the updates.

lets go spiders and lets go I.O.C. lets celebrate big tonight, or cry in our beer after the game at Jay's. call it a last minute spider christmas party.

In it to win it bitches

Thank god Kenny and I went to last year's Super Bowl...http://tinyurl.com/y4vznn

Hey boys i'm buzzed right now but just wanted to share with you all...... I was out drinking at Bossa Nova downtown and saw Gonchar and Armstrong there about an hour and a half after the pens game ended. I was going to ask if they wanted to suit up for the Spiders but remembered we have Pete so dont need them,

Well if you'd buy a larger strap-on like I keep asking you to, I wouldn't need the deer cock!

Mikey's not kidding...and he has dibbs on the deer cock after Jess.

If we're going to play this shitty against the Wild Things when we face them again on Sunday, let me know now so I can stay home and watch Brokeback Mountain instead. Again.

I heard this on the X this morning,and thought this is one for the lockerroom chat. http://www.celebritybuttplugs.com/

Hello from Minnesota, Someone drop me a line at my e-mail address. I would like to fly in and skate with the spiders. Is my number taken ?(51) Tell everyone I said Hello.

WTF?! Seriously, WTF?!! http://tinyurl.com/yk64va

UPDATES! UPDATES! UPDATES! There! Is everyone happy now?

Just wanted to remind you all that you suck...carry on.

AUUUUUGGGGGGGHHH!! I'm DYING to see updates on this damn thing!! Damn you Mikey! We're going into Update withdrawal!!

Everytime I log on to this site from a public library, it gets blocked from the obscene language and the fact that I have porn on my profile. I can't believe this because the guy sitting next to me is watching a video on YouTube of black girls getting naked and shaking their asses. Yes, Mikey, I am watching his screen too.

Happy Erection Day everyone! Vote early, vote often.

John Kerry's latest excuse: "I told students that if they don't study hard they'll get stuck in A RACK."

This website is awesome...i guess i am "new Mike"

REGARDING MELLON ARENA HOCKEY....... I am hereby placing a bounty on #55 Pete Osterhus. The first guy to really cream that punk gets your session paid for IN FULL!

just like Mikey states, email me if you're in or have friends you're bringing.

I think we've got the spam problem licked for now. Since it seemed like every spammed entry started with a phrase like "Good site," "Nice site," or "Cool site," I rewrote the script to disallow any postings that begin with those or similar such phrases. So don't try to post a message that begins with any of them or it will automatically launch nuclear missles against Sweeden. In other news, I'm sure everyone saw this.

3.Rich 2.Pete 1.Justin the Goalie

Won't be at the game tonight. Post results and stars here if you want and I'll update accordingly.

spiders hockey on friday the 13th. oooo scare-dy. make sure you wear your 3-D glasses!

In bed?

Pete reminds me of a young Joe Sakic

translation: you imperialist spider dogs will bow down to the almighty meadows hockey team. you...pickle on a dick sandwich! I hope you die. baghdad bob

tjgaeu knjw wfezcsoi auleof idfqtn ifmb gnuslxpj [URL]http://www.pnrjwbqg.athksdwxl.com[/URL] fyjwbh cisw

Sid: 52 goals. Malkin: 38 goals. Pens finish: 9th in Eastern Conference.

a poll just for the heck of it. how many goals will Sid have this year? how many goals will Geni have this year? and how good will the pens be this year? Respond back to guestbook by the start of tonight's game vs the Flyers. You show everyone that you're the hockey guru!

You know, Kenny, there are times when you can be very funny! And then there's now. All seriousness aside, the next poll question is actually which Spider has the largest winkie. The winner gets a fabulous showcase full of cash and prizes. Get out your yardsticks...

God is our co-pilot? remember our car? two seats. where's he gonna sit? Next month's poll question, guess what color Mikey's thinking of.

We should totally do the Roller Derby thing...maybe we can get Petey a sweetie!

Uh oh, Kenny's thinking. This could be dangerous. Besides, like any of us match anyhow...

so I'm thinking...since it was announced last night the Sabres are rid of the black/red jersey combo, will it get harder to find jerseys and socks?

No wonder our team is so dysfunctional. http://tinyurl.com/e58rp

Enough what?

Are we going to have enough for the game tonight?

here's a Spiders nite out. http://www.steelcityderbydemons.com

I don't think that will fit on the side of Kenny's kayak...

I have a persistent anal itch.

I think we need to raise money by selling calendars. here's a local model thats soon to be on the cover of Maxim En Espanol. She was on the X radio show the other morning. http://www.jennthomas.com

For those of you left unawares, Kenny G recently became the owner of a brand new kayak. I think he lost a bet or something. Anyhow, I propose a contest here in the guestbook to name his vessel. I begin by suggesting "The Beard of Zeus." In the meantime, here's a little something to get you in a kayaking frame of mind (although I'd be willing to bet most of you aren't even old enough to understand the reference).

http://tinyurl.com/m5olv

Mikey knock it off using those big words. we be but simple hockey players.

Helluva game, Petey So Meaty. Way to bang a couple in there, you Hume-loving, Locke-molesting, Leibnizian monad-denying, empiricist bastard you.

Hi All! Please disregard the game that is listed as "7/20 McM Foot and Ankle" that's on your pocket schedules - it's a leftover from last season or something like that....

Don't most of you guys do this on the way to games? http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060908/od_uk_nm/oukoe_uk_slovakia_driver

Ladies and gentlemen, there is a defintion of tractor pull in Urban Dictionary!

No, seriously, you're in big trouble!

You're in big trouble.

Next time we hear a cell phone ring in the locker room, someone has to check Porn's ass. Any volunteers? Line forms on the right...

Steve Irwin's last words.

Well, duh!

O'Connor O'Corpse!

The NFL has banned Rock 'n Roll Part II because of Gary Glitter's conviction on child molestation charges. Now if we can just get some pictures of Celine Dion blowing goats in a petting zoo we'll be all set.

Yeah, you can only drink so much and screw so much...

hockey, I need hockey!

Ok, number one, how do we know it's not just due to shrinkage? I mean after all, the Artic is cold. Number two, how exactly do they measure? Number three, is this what Dave's been doing all summer? http://tinyurl.com/hu36j

You're very welcome! And BTW, I'm quite cross with the rest of you for not chiming in, ya bastards.

Thanks for the birthday song, Babycakes!

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear DJ, happy birthday to you...

Maybe you should travel to Australia. Their seasons are the opposite of ours. You wouldn't be the only former Pittsburgher...http://www.iha.org.au/

I love the offseason

This is Myron Cope, on dope!

Just remember...

If you get a chance to look up the "Danny Glover" or "Tony Danza" on Urban Dictionary, they're a good read!

Wow, never thought I'd hear Jess talk about her girlfriend like that, but again, wow!

Once again - another use for the Urban Dictionary: when a guy cums in his woman's mouth then makes her laugh the cum out her nose so it just hangs there...like a norweigan ice dragon Used in a sentence: I tickled my girlfriend after she gave me head last night so much that she turned into the norweigan ice dragon.

It's amazing what medical science can accomplish nowadays, isn't it? Although to the guestbook's credit, recent mention was made of Norwegian Ice Dragons. It's not exactly a disease, but it can become an addiction. Trust me.

In other words - there hasn't been any mention of a genital defect or disease in a really long time!!

Wow - the Spider site has definitely reached an all-time deadness!!

Disheartening, indeed. But at least I can still rely upon George Michael for moral fortitude...

Mikey--Had been checking the news for anything interesting outside of the middleeast and saw that one of your hero's was in trouble. http://tinyurl.com/jdegf

My favorite memory was all the bare ass that I saw...it was at that moment that I knew of the possibilities of seeing cock as well.

It was nine years ago today, Sgt. Spider taught the team to play. As Kermit the Frog always says, "Time's fun when you're having flies." Of course Kenny G, DJ, and myself are the only remaining original Eagles/Spiders. Either of you care to post your memories of that first night? As I recall, we had about 18 skaters. I hadn't played a game in over four years, so I could barely stand up straight ("How is that any different from now?" Ha ha, fuck you all.). We had five women skating with us that evening. And the post game orgy had great enthusiasm, unlike the lame, half-hearted affairs we experience today.

Ok, tell me any of them DON'T love the cock, THEN it'd be a news story... http://tinyurl.com/m5u6m

What are you implying, B? That everyone is bored and has no life? That we're all bad hockey players in need of instruction? I know when I've been insulted, I know when I've been insulted. Although I have to admit, I got excited when I saw the article about techniques for Pulling Your Goalie. Then I realized they were talking about hockey...

Some good tips if anyone is bored or interested http://www.hockeyplayer.com/

Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "fingering yourself." http://tinyurl.com/fkcjj

Yeah, sorry guys, I know that left us short-handed, but she's so proud of her Norse heritage that I just couldn't resist. And let me just add that after a long night of Ice Dragoning, there's nothing better than having DJ serve you up one of her world famous Portugese Breakfasts. You haven't lived until you've had that experience! A true pièce de résistance in every sense of the word!

Sorry I missed the game the other night guys. I was recovering from the Norwegian Ice Dragon that Mikey me gave the night before... PS Porn, show me your tits!

I see youre playing my nemesis on thurs anyone have a pair of size 11 skates i can borrow?

Sure, for 20 bucks.

If I come to the game tonight will I see B. fondling Mikey's balls?

In the area, but not my section. Same deal with the ground rule double by Glaus. That was about a section over. Nah, most of the action was Monday and Tuesday during BP, and the Derby on Monday night. Like a freakin' mosh pit wherever a ball landed.

That's quacktastic! Were you near David Wright's home run at all??

So, who wants to hear about my balls? I touched four balls last night at the All-Star game, but only managed to grab one of them. I'm sitting here right now, holding it. Admiring it. Gently caressing it. Kissing it lightly. All seriousness aside, B, get ready to start masturbating (as if you ever stop). I caught a batting practice home run on the fly off of the bat of David Ortiz.

Same problem I had in New Orleans, too hot for a hockey jersey. Although if it's any consolation, I will be wearing my Spiders split-crotch panties. I'll see if I can get them on camera...

Hey Buttpipe, Try wearing a Spiders jersey. I doubt anyone else will have on of those on.

And now for the latest installment of Mutual of Omaha's "Spot the Looney," tonight, PNC Park, the 77th baseball All-Star Game, section 136, pretty much straight away left field, five rows back on the aisle. Can you spot the Spider? Fabulous door prizes for any who do. I'd tell you look for the bright yellow Pirate jersey, but if the HR Derby last night was any indication, half the freakin' stadium will be wearing bright yellow. I thought I was the only bozo with a hard on for gold jerseys.

And this would be different from every other game you attend?

Ok, ok....upon my return handjobs for all...fuckers.

Would everyone be so quiet upon MacArthur's return to the Philippines? Upon Napoleon's return from Elba?

I may make an appearance on the ice next week..thoughts? Comments?

What about the part of the story where you offered to spank his monkey in the bathroom if he'd start broadcasting Spiders games?

I saw Mike Lange at Mineo's today. That's the end of my story.

Why the hell would the Penguins fire Mike Lange? WTF?

Well scratch my balls with a hacksaw...http://tinyurl.com/jm6ce

Mikey, make sure to hit up the Cafe Du Monde for some beignets (sp?).

The guestbook is truly going global. Salut de la Rue Bourbon! My French is pretty bad, so that means either "Greetings and salutations from Bourbon Street" or "I have a badger in my ass," but after last night in the Quarter, both are good...

You da man, B, you da man. The guy's on his honeymoon, in a foreign country, basking in the afterglow of the recent loss of his (heterosexual) virginity, yet he still finds time to post in the guestbook. Did you do as Kenny ordained and take your Spiders jersey with you? I better not end up being the only one this summer who does...

Checking in from Montreal. Where the fuck was everybody for you guys!

Well then I hope he's not officiating the ceremony on Saturday...

Whenever I hear Casey Kasem's voice I drop my pants, close my eyes and smile.

And now, we're up to our long distance dedication. This one comes from Brendan Hanley from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. He writes: "Dear Casey, I'm a young hockey player stationed in Canonsburg, PA, and on Saturday, I'm getting married. After all the years of anonymous gay bathroom sex, the heroin addiction, the 13 year old Haitian prostitutes, the barnyard animals, I've finally found the woman who has inspired me to settled down and become a productive member of society as a Scientologist Amway salesman. Casey, would you please play 'Endless Love,' and dedicate it to my girlfriend? Tell her I'll call her as soon as I get back from my honeymoon."

If someone can mail me a Spider jersey, I can get a photo somewhere unique! Sid

Attention all Spiders, as it was discussed last night at our triumphant forfeit win, if and when you go on vacation this summer, take along a Spider jersey and take a picture wearing it where ever you end up. Post it to Mikey so he can add it to the website, so at the end of summer we can vote on the best photo. And yes, pants are optional.

http://tinyurl.com/eh5tl

Doesn't anyone talk about weiners and boobies anymore....weiners are funny

Yeah, what she said. Honestly, Sid, you're preaching to the choir. I think DJ made an excellent summation, it's not the message that I have a problem with, it's the messenger. And with that in mind, Michael Savage?! C'mon, that guy's a hate monger. Now, I'll give him credit for having changed his views (as I will with Jim Quinn). As the misquote of Winston Churchill states: "Anyone who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has no heart. Anyone who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brain." I'll also give him credit for being eclectic in his ideology. He's not a Republican mouthpiece. But telling someone on national TV to go choke on a sausage, what are we, in second grade on the playground? Actually, it sounds more like Porn in the showers, but that's a whole other story. See, I thrive on spirited debate, be it philosophical, political, theological, whatever. Working in academé as I do, I am not *A* politically right of center, heterosexual, single male librarian, I am *THE* politically right of center, heterosexual, single male librarian. I have ample opportunity to engauge in intellectual discourse, but when doing so I make every attempt to argue my positions in the most logical and articulate manner possible. If someone makes a counterpoint worthy of my respect, I will acknowledge it. My goal is to make someone understand and respect my point of view, even if they don't agree. I don't see what there is to gain by unilaterally pissing people off. Unless, as I said before, you're trying to sell books and keep your name in the spotlight.

I apologize for my premature evaluation (made you read that twice, eh). My butt cheeks are loose now. Thank you for all that you do.

Dear Sid, I have listened to Mike Savage. Your comment makes me chuckle since-and I'm not kidding-I have on my my desk at work-Ann Coulter and George W. Bush dolls. Plus a copy of one of Sean Hannity's books. I love Quinn in the morning. BTW, check out Dinesh D'Souza's books. So, relax, take a deep breath, unclench your butt cheeks and work on your reading/comprehension skills since you failed to pick up on MIKEY AND I AGREE WITH YOU!

Mikey, I wish my friend (I have to pretend I'm really Sid) was in San Diego, but he's not. Rich Caruso might be able to offer some insight. I'll have some pictures soon, from my friend, but I can't disclose the location of the pictures. If you give me your e-mail, I'll tell my friend overseas to add you to the weekly newspaper he publishes (by himself). DJ, I recommend you start listening to the Michael Savage show. There may still be help for you, but extreme measures must be taken. Sid

To save everyone the trouble of reading Mikey's and Sidney's comments---they both agree with Ann Coulter. Mikey's problem is with her delivery. There, I just saved you all a buttload of reading.

Exclusive video footage showing Ben Roethlisberger's condition after the accident...

Q: What was going through Ben's mind during the accident? A: The windshield.

I nominate Big Ben for "Biggest Dumbass of the Year"....maybe he'll wear a helmet to that!

Attaboy, Sid. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were in the Air Force stationed in San Diego instead of an NHL'er in the 'Burgh. Actually, I think Ann Coulter's comments about reveling in the glare of victimization would have been better suited for Cindy Sheehan than the 9/11 widows. Although Coulter probably has made just such acusations of which I am simply not aware. For an interesting read, check out Generation of Vipers by Philip Wylie. It was originally published in the early 1940s and spoke to the World War II era, but the relevant section, quoted below, at times still rings true today. To a certain degree it is satire, but like all satire, it is based upon truisms. "Mom also has patriotism. If a war comes, this may even turn into a genuine feeling and the departure of her son may be her means to grace in old age. Often, however, the going of her son is only an occasion for more show. She has, in that case, no deep respect for him. What he has permitted her to do to him has rendered him unworthy of consideration-- and she has shown him none since puberty. She does not miss him--only his varletry--but over that she can weep interminably. I have seen the unmistakable evidence in a blue star mom of envy of a gold star mom: and I have a firsthand account by a woman of unimpeachable integrity, of the doings of a shipload of these super-moms-of-the-gold-star, en route at government expense to France to visit the graves of their sons, which I forbear to set down here, because it is a document of such naked awfulness that, by publishing it, I would be inciting to riot, and the printed thing might even rouse the dead soldiers and set them tramping like Dunsany's idol all the way from Flanders to hunt and haunt their archenemy progenitrices--who loved them--to death. But, peace or war, the moms have another kind of patriotism that, in the department of the human spirit, is identical to commercialized vice, because it captures a good thing and doles it out for the coin of unctuous pride--at the expense of deceased ancestors rather than young female offspring. By becoming a Daughter of this historic war or that, a woman makes herself into a sort of madam who fills the coffers of her ego with the prestige that has accrued to the doings of others. A frantic emptiness of those coffers provides the impulse for the act. There are, of course, other means of filling them, but they are difficult, and mom never does anything that is difficult--either the moving of a piano or the breaking of a nasty habit."

Cindy Sheehan is going to rot in hell. She's a phony. She's sick. Her son was out doing something he believed in. When he died, she dishonored him and everything he stood for. Why do you think her husband (his father) divorced her? She's more concerned about her own fame that she is honoring her son's memory. She has cheapened everything her son stood for. Why do people like Cindy Sheehan and other liberal whackos always feel the need to speak on the military's behalf. You know the rhetoric: "Bring our troops home...we're for the troops...we don't want any more of our young people killed for George Bush's illegal war..." Blah, blah, blah. Hey, here's a news flash...The troops don't want your sympathy, and they sure as hell don't want you speaking on their behalf. If I were a troop, I would denounce everything these freaks say. How many times has Cindy Sheehan been to the Middle East? How many intelligence briefings has she sat in on? How many times has she seen combat action? What makes her an expert on military operations? I would look at the opinions of those who are out there doing the missions, not those who sit on their fat asses and act like experts. Cindy, and everyone else who have never left the comfort of CNN (Clinton News Network) in their living rooms, can kiss my hockey-playing ass! We live in a world that has walls. Those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's going to do it? You, Mikey? You Cindy Sheehan.

Pubic hair "that long?!" I didn't think you had any at all...

You know, it's pretty frickin' bad that I'm in the quote of the night and I WASN'T EVEN THERE!! Oh, wait, before anyone corrects me, my HAIR was in the quote of the night! Geesh guys!! If I had pubic hair THAT LONG do you think I would be willing to wear shorts around you pervs??

Yeah, but will Paula Abdul be sleeping with them? http://tinyurl.com/loyhv

Ok, to continue. I actually thought this article was the one to which you were referring. Although I'm not sure if it's good or bad. On one hand, I don't want to see Hillary in the White House so it's good. OTOH, she's such a polarizing figure that if the Democrats actually nominate her, it might be enough to swing the election against them. Not that I'm saying I'll vote Republican even if they run a monkey on a rock. One shouldn't make up one's mind without examining the candidates and their platforms. Which actually segues into my next point. Make no mistake, Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, Michael Moore, Al Franken, these people are not political pundits. They are professional shit disturbers. They are not in the business of politics. They are in the business of self promotion. Matt Parker and Trey Stone are true gadflys in the Socratic ideal, in that they attack left, right, and center with equal ferocity. That being said, I don't disagree with her, as this society embraces the cult of victimization, but she's not going to convert anybody or even make them think seriously about the issue if she calls widows "witches." That's like when Ward Chruchill called victims of 9/11 "little Eichmanns." It's inflamatory, and even if there is a point, nobody's going to see it. In fact, like I said above, if you polarize too much, you sometimes end up effecting the opposite. "Of course that's just my opinion, I could be wrong..."

I'm all for most of Ann Coulter's ideology, but when she spews forth these types of statements, she clouds her message by making herself into a caricature. I'm not saying she's wrong, but if the goal is to get her point across, for most people, the point becomes obscured by the rhetoric. I'm about to leave work and have to go shut down the desk. To be continued...

Ok, Ann Coulter may be abrasive and a bitch but I have two words for people who say she is wrong-Cindy Sheehan. Let the games begin...

I can't say I'm a huge fan, but they have some good songs. Head Like a Hole and Hurt come to mind, although I realize that's like someone saying to me "Oh, you're a Rush fan? I like Tom Sawyer!" I've always felt this weird sort of kinship with Trent Reznor, seeing as how the loss of his golden retriever back in 1995 affected him so profoundly. Why? Are you trying to organize a Spiders night?

Are there any Spiders going to the NIN concert?

"I should not talk so much about myself if there were anybody else whom I knew as well." - Henry David Thoreau

who the hell has time to read Mikey's damn profile?

A little musical accompaniment to that story...

Ohio Masturbator Story http://www.deadspin.com/sports/youtube/
the-most-brilliant-thing-youll-see-all-day-176349.php

I updated my profile with some subtle changes. Word up

Dey took yer job!

Fred Shero took my job. Bastard.

So, what does everyone think of the Pens hiring Shero as their new GM?

I thought this was kind of cool. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=meLpuF9UMvk

Hey, a thought occurred to me this afternoon whilst I was in the midst of performing a little brain surgery (on myself): If Yoda were to host "Deal or No Deal," would it be called "Deal or Deal Not?"

The Da Vinci Code is actually nothing more than "Be sure to drink your Ovaltine!?" Son of a bitch!

Mikey gave us the Rich option. I had to go to a Jack and Jack party with him to get the waiver (see urbandictionary.com for jack and jill definition). Sid

Sorry, you can't have Rich. I won't release him on waivers.....talk to me AFTER the season....just who the hell do you think you are anyways? Busting in on our team and trying to scalp our players?? Go bite the big one, buddy!!

Guys, Congrats on the win. Please don't count on having Rich all season. If we can't get Malkin over here, we're going to need him. Sid

No problem, B, just call me Mr. Viagra. Maybe you should become a movie critic. "Ebert and Roper give the Da Vinci Code two thumbs up." Leonard Maltin calls it "A suspenseful thriller worthy of the hype." Says Brendan Hanley: "It gave me the biggest boner I've had since I saw Schindler's List!" Speaking of movies, best line in Youngblood: "Thank god there is still a sport for middle-sized white boys."

That 3 star description gave me the biggest boner ever! Thanks Mikey!Also, I'm thinking about getting my buddy, Dean Youngblood, to come play. He used to play for the Hamilton Mustangs in the OHL. He won the Memorial Cup with a penalty shot with 3 seconds left, and then procedded to beat Racki's ass. And then he went on to appear on the 'West Wing'.

I'm inclined to agree, B. I'm pumped for the new season. It's like my grandmother always used to say: "Rock out with your cock out!"

I like the offseason moves. And I realize the off season was only about a week.

That's only because she makes us work long hours with no 401(k) and a health plan that doesn't include Preparation H benefits. Although on the plus side, I did get to deduct 37 pairs of assless chaps as a "business expense" on last year's income tax return. The other ten pair were for personal use...

Ok-I have night class on Tuesdays and Thursdays so unless the games are at 10:15 or later on those days I will not be present. That and my male escort service is BOOMING!

The fans are demanding to see a Mikey-B-Mark line at some point. And yes I realize there are no actual fans.

Guess whos back, back again, Mark is back, tell a friend.

Vaginal weightlifting?! I'd pay to see that in the Olympics...

That was a good quote by adam

And here Mikey, I thought you would make a comment on how perhaps after all of my wasted scoring opportunities last night (well not really wasted, but that goalie was making ridiculous saves) that maybe I'd benefit from being in europe and playing on the larger ice surface. Anyhow, good effort last night and a good season. Best of luck Spiders until I return after the strike.

Boy, if I had a dime for everytime a woman gave me that line...

That really sucked. How 'bout we NOT do that again on Tuesday night?

"I wish I was in Tijuana, eating barbequed iguana..." The protests of last Monday not withstanding, Happy Cinco de Mayo everybody!

C'mon, you know me better than that! I'm not one to toot my own horn. Although lord knows I would if I could...

Is this what we're going to have to put up with everytime Mikey scores a goal???? Oh yeah, hell of a shot Mikey.

I don't mean to appear ostentatious, but last night I actually dreamt that I was on Leno (Andy Richter and Roseanne were the other guests) talking about the goal. Funny thing is, I've been a Letterman fan since the mid-80s and hardly ever watch the Tonight Show...

Way to go Mikey! The new all-time leading scorer in Spider's OT playoff history. Almost makes me forget about the Dead Wings.

P.S. What the fuck is everybody doing up so late? Don't any of us have jobs?

Even a blind squirrel finds a nut every once in a while...

More Spiders playoff magic. Atta boy Mikey!

Great game everyone! Mikey, those days of shooting hockey at johnny's house in the dead of winter and the heat of summer finally paided off.

I needed a laugh and the guestbook never disappoints. Oh and Mikey, that guy who had the hattrick the other night, just call him Krammer.

Fo' shizzle...

We should give the Bargoyles the ol' Pittsburgh Smuggler...or perhaps the Cleveland Steamer...maybe I'll pull the ol' Harry Whodini on their goalie! (check out urban dictionary dot com for definitions and use in a sentence).

Well, considering that we beat the Golden Showers on Sunday to make the playoffs, that we're playing the Hot Carls tonight in round one, and that if we win we'll meet the Angry Pirates in the finals, I'd say sure, your Dirty Sanchez will fit in just fine.

Are playoff mustaches OK? If so, does my dirty sanchez count?

I'm growing my playoff pubes. Does that count?

Playoff time bitches. Grow your playoff beards quickly. It's going to be epic.

mikey butters porn...yep, thats it, good night everybody.

um, I mean "smackin". Oh god, wait,....did that just get thrown into another one of those damn search engines?? Next to the porn puck topic?!?

Uh oh! Mikey's slackin on the updates!!

Thats some good stuff, mang

Jess has missed the last three games because she's been hard at work in her basement laboratory trying to convert one of her male inflatible love dolls into an animatronic hockey-playing version of you, Red, but keeps getting distracted by the urge to give it a happy ending. In fact, that's how she sliced open her hand last week. We warned her about removing the cock piercing first, but did she listen? She got the idea from this article. My new favorite word is "teledildonics," replacing last month's winning entry "lactiferous."

REPLACE ME IS THAT POSSIBLE?

That's because you have three nipples...

My pasties NEVER match

No soup for you! Actually, my bad. It's fixed. You're in there. Like little bits of oregano. Your life is complete once again. You can die happy. The mass is ended, go in peace.

your profiles suck mike i click on red and i am not there u get an f-

No, I heard it. For years I thought I had tinnitus because there was always this buzzing sound. Little did I know you just had a vibrator shoved down the front of your hockey pants. Although in retrospect, I guess the extension cord should have tipped me off. The only time I see it is with the telephoto lens from the bushes outside your window...

You saw that!!!!???

Ok, sure. DJ masturbates while she's playing hockey.

good god, would someone please start talking about hockey.

Hmm, that's funny, I just assumed you'd be masturbating WHILE you read these great discussions. I know I was...

I'm going to masturbate over these great discussions, eat a cookie and go to bed...thanks guys!

"The real shame would be to be indifferent to all things, and thus not use what sets us apart from animals, our free will." Ahh, Dave, do you really want to go there? Probably my all-time favorite topic of philosophical discussion. We could run the gamut from popular music ("If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice" - Rush), to the big guns such as Hobbes, Kant, Leibniz, Augustine, and Aquinas. Leibniz may not generally be recognized as one of the classic authors in the realm of free will debate, but I once took a class as an undergrad from Nicolas Rescher, one of the world's foremost authorities on Leibniz, and a well-respected philosopher in his own right. Fascinating stuff. Anyone want to nibble? In the meantime, let me address Dave's point about science and nature running their course. I tend to be pantheistic in my beliefs. I sometimes see us as parts of the greater whole, and consequently able to exert influence over our existence. I don't believe that one has to step beyond the realm of the physical and into the realm of the mystic in order to do so. Science may offer an answer, namely quantum mechanics. The quantum field exists as a cloud of possibilities. Which potential reality collapses into existence is dependent upon the observer. By attempting to affect the outcome in a positive manner (or by doing so negatively in an unconscious fashion), we can influence reality. We can make our own luck. Or seal our own doom. To a certain degree, of course. Our influence is not infinite. Some may wish to anthropomorphize and call it god's will or the watchful eye of a guardian angel. I prefer the scientific approach. Of course that's just my opinion, I could be wrong...

See there the olive grove of Academe,
Plato's retirement, where the Attic bird
Trills her thick warbled notes the summer long
There, flowery hill, Hymettus, with the sound
Of bees' industrious murmur, oft invites
To studious musing.
- John Milton, Paradise Regained, The Fourth Book

You know people, I'm proud of you. After almost five years, we've finally managed to turn this guestbook into a place where we can equally enjoy stimulating philosophical discourse AND lesbian anilingus!

This guestbook is as gay as me!

Mikey, couldnt you and whomever is playing Sid realize that whatever your personal beliefs, ultimately you have only some small level of control over yourself, and I say small as your heart could stop or your brain could fail and you could drop at any moment, therefore, whatever runs the universe, whether it be an all-powerful creator, some weird mystical laws, or rather simply science and nature running their course, you are what you are, nothing more, and nothing less. Or look at it from the Camus existentialist ramblings, the human mind can be a prison, or what sets you free, life can be depressing, but then so can death. The real shame would be to be indifferent to all things, and thus not use what sets us apart from animals, our free will. And to close, I have to ask that outside of boger, you ended up your last rant rather well, and also, when all else fails, shoot first and ask questions later.

Ok Ja...er, I mean Sid, just for the record, I am in fact an agnostic. Although there are those who would say that an agnostic is nothing more than an atheist who lacks conviction. That being said, it seems to me that you are arguing for the case of ignorance equaling happiness. "The unexamined life is not worth living." - Socrates. Hyper-analyzing is, and has been, an integral part of my personality for many, many years. If you don't believe me, ask Kenny G what I was like back in high school twenty years ago. I was probably worse then than I am today. There's no doubt it's a double-edged sword. It gives one a finer appreciation of all that is right with the world, but also a greater sensitivity to the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. But it's a trade I'll take. I'll continue this debate tomorrow, but in the meantime, speaking of reminiscing, this sure takes me back to the warm memories I have of the time we initiated Jess and DJ.

Again, you're searching for something bigger that may or may not come. Overanalyzation is depressing. Celebrate the today and now. If in fact you do feel agnostic (or aethiest), then you lose the ability to call everything God's will. That puts all the burden on you, alone. Unfortunately, as previously stated, you have very little control over the things that happen, so it isn't worth spending all your time philosophizing when you should be doing. I would rather act now and reminisce than philosophize until it was too late to reminisce. That being said, I have to leave on work business for a couple days...to be continued. Sid

While Susan Sarandon is a piece of tree-huggin' hippie crap, I am reminded of her line from that 1988 cinematic class Bull Durham: "The world was made for people who aren't cursed with self-awareness." As an interesting aside, I see a parallel between personality and science. Those who go about their business blissfully unaware represent the macro scale of classic Newtonian physics. Those with introspection represent the micro scale of quantum mechanics. My problem lies increasingly with the concept of time. And while my other current read is a very intriguing treatise entitled The End of Time: The Next Revolution in Physics by Julian Barbour, we must nevertheless confront our own mortality. Not being able to take on faith the existence of an afterlife, all I know for sure is that I have this life to live, in whatever form it takes. When it stretched out before me as a young man, the possibilities were endless. Now, assuming medical breakthroughs do not dramatically increase our lifespans, if I have not yet crossed the threshold of being closer to the end than to the beginning, I will soon do so. That is a frightening and sobering thought. While I have taken measures to re-mould and re-shape my life in recent years, the seemingly inevitable ticking of the clock continues with its foreboding presence. For example, as I have de-emphasized librarianship, I have taken a great interest in the financial markets. Over the course of the last three weeks, I've managed to correctly prognosticate sevearl times, yet somehow I managed to keep them all in the red. Two years ago, I wouldn't even have know what to look for, let alone construct a coherent strategy. It's not a linear process. I should be thankful that I'm making progress. But how much time do I have to devote to the process? At what point do you need to start reaping the rewards of your efforts in order to feel satisfaction? I could afford to be patient at 29. At almost 39, does that still hold true? Finally, we have such limited capacity to influence certain aspects of our lives. When you don't believe in fate or destiny, you can't just say "things will work out" or "if something was meant to be it will happen." Chaos Theory rears its ugly head. The proverbial flapping of a butterfly's wings, as Ian Stewart so eloquently stated in his seminal work Does God Play Dice: The New Mathematics of Chaos. But, lest the tone of this guestbook become too serious, let me close by saying anal warts, gay cowboys, lesbian anilingus, tickle bubble shower scene, and booger.

Mikey, you read too much Thoreau. It sounds like you realize that ignorance is bliss, yet you think you're too wise and philosophical to be ignorant...therefore, you are always searching for something bigger and can't experience the bliss that stupid people have. Even if you, like Thoreau, found something bigger, it would be a temporary fix to a long-term, state-of-mind. You can relate it to the drug user who thinks "If I just get some smack right now, I will never want again." In reality, we know that when the new smack wears off, the user will want again. Loneliness creates the boredum that leads you to the philosophical questions about the meaning of life. Try as people may, there is NO easy fix for the loneliness. Until what you're looking for arrives (which you have no real control over--although you can set yourself up for success), it's best to change your state-of-mind. Stop looking at the big picture. Celebrate the small achievements that you accomplish during your days now. For example, I cut my neighbor's grass yesterday (it's a big yard, and I do it every time I do mine...for free...she's really old, and I don't mind helping out). When I looked over the lawns this morning, I thought, "Sidney, you did a good job on the lawns. Good things will come your way." You, on the other hand, would probably search for the meaning of the individual cut blades of grass and wonder if they were happy in life. The big picture would be totally missed by someone as wise as yourself. Again, celebrate the small and the big will come. You'll be surprised how quickly you can find the ignorance that you should be seeking instead of the void filler that will only leave you longing for more. I have to go get ready for the game now. Sid

Nah, I appreciate the compliment. I'm just in one of those moods where I'm waxing philosophic. It's like the Thoreau quote in my profile, I do not want, when I come to die, to "discover that I had not lived." Sometimes I just look around and wonder, is this all there is? Is this all that life has to offer? Then, to top it off, I should quit reading books about the Theory of Relativity, because they just depress me even more. Relativity Visualized by Lewis Epstein. Excellent read. Best explanation of the concepts that I've ever read. Yet disconcerting in how insignificant it makes you feel. And certainly interpersonal relationships do play a role in the health of one's psyche, so DJ being demoted to team jockstrap washer has had an effect. Although she actually asked for the job, so in her mind it's a promotion. I never thought she could get them so clean using just her tongue...

Mikey--when you put it like that my only response can be.....do you want us (the team) to get you that book that they had in wedding crashers? I believe it was titled something like "So you're thinking of jumping." You make one comment about how impressed you are with the speed and efficiency at which someone can update the webpage for their beloved spiders, and then they get all mid-life crisis on you. Is this really because you found out that the spiders management put DJ on waivers?

Did you hear that they won't be able to serve any beer at PNC Park this year? Seems the Pirates lost the opener...

It's easy, Dave. Here, let me give you my recipe. Simply live alone, have no life, no family, no pets, no non-inflatible girlfriends, a job you no longer want, and an underlying sense that your meaningless life is slipping away one day at at time, and you, too, can have all the time in the world to update websites in a flash!

I think we need to time mikey after games to see how fast he can update the site, damn that was fast.

You mean you weren't there last night?

Gentlemen~I apologize for not being at the game and not giving notice to my fellow teammates. I had gotten called into work last minute and did not have time to make any phone calls. I will probably not be at Sunday night's game either due to the fact that I work in Pgh until 9p and our game is at 8. I'll see what I can do.

As those great American songsters George and Ira Gershwin so eloquently put it: "Nice work if you can get it."

And they're actually paying you at the library for your work Mikey??!!!???!!???

I'm disturbed. And slightly aroused... http://www.wakthesak.com/

Next time that ficus grabs your ass, you'll know why... http://tinyurl.com/fae6v

How many times have I told you guys?! You don't tell her you're broke until AFTER she finishes! http://tinyurl.com/p4aar

Here's a little non-sequitur, apropos of nothing, that even you commie pinko tree-huggin' hippie bastards might enjoy: "They say Democrats don't stand for anything. That's patently untrue. We do stand for anything!" - Sen. Barack Obama

Believe me, Jess, the terms "librarian" and "lesbian" are for all intents and purposes synonymous. We also have two public service announcments to pass along. First off, happy April Dave's Day! And also, tonight is the start of daylight savings time, so don't forget to give your clocks head at 2am.

Mikey~i was looking at your updated player profile and when i saw your occupation i thought it said "lesbian"! Ooops....i had to re-read it to make sure it said L I B R A R I A N!

Ok guys, for those of you that haven't paid your dues for the weekly "ride your cowboy" fanclub, I must insist that you get those fees paid. For those of you who opted for the medication trial to try to ease your anal warts instead of the cowboy club, please know that your dues are also expected. And last, but not least, for those of you who didn't opt for either of these services, but instead chose to join the Gary Glitter boy-toy fan club, pay your damn fees. That is all.

I'm sorry, Jess, but I'm going to have to issue you a citation for posting a message in the guestbook that is completely benign and informative, and which contains absolutely no references to gay cowboys, masturbation, or lesbian anilingus.

For those of you who owe me league fees, please be sure to either drop them in the mail to me or bring them to the next game.Thanks!

Actually, you'll be continuing to receive creepy solicitations, as I took the liberty of writing your myspace address on the walls of all the gay bathrooms around campus. It just makes me feel warm and fuzzy when I walk in and everyone yells "Mikey!" like on Cheers. As the song says, sometimes you wanna cum where everybody knows your name...

Wow, now we have the Spiders' version of Myspace. Now the only creepy bisexual guys that contact me are limited to you assholes! Whooopppeee!

Except that he'll enjoy bending over to pick up the soap... http://tinyurl.com/pg9s6

This page has truly gone to the next level....now if only the people i dont know can answer the questions.

First off, feedback on the profiles? Anyone? Anyone? And secondly, once again we turn to the "This is Wrong On So Many Levels" category: http://tinyurl.com/pmnn7. I'm particularly impressed with the description that reads in part: "Natural aspects of Spears' pregnancy, like lactiferous breasts and protruding naval, compliment a posterior view that depicts widened hips for birthing and reveals the crowning of baby Sean's head." My new favorite word is "lactiferous." Next time somebody asks me how I'm doing, I'm just going to smile and say "lactiferous." 99.9 percent of the people will have no idea what it means and will just nod accordingly.

It's good that you frequent the site, because you sure as shit don't frequent the rink. I've had the souvenir I got you at the Super Bowl wrapped up in a plastic bag in my backseat for the last six weeks. Which is especially tragic when you consider that it's a puppy...

B, I frequent the site you wad!!!Mikey, I think all your Brokeback Mountain finally turned Dave gay...uh, gayer.

Sounds good Mikey. How come more players dont come on here. Pusses.

Wait, let me guess. After four years of being a kaleidoscope, after the countless games where your lack of color coordination stuck in my craw like a rabid squirrel on acid, after all of the begging, the pleading, and the litigation, you finally went and did it, didn't you? You bought yourself a set of red and black anal beads!

Well I guess that name beats some of the others I thought youd come up with Mikey; also I have a surprise for you for the game on Sunday. (ok, and let the peanut gallery comments ensue, lol)

BTW, B, while I'm not objected to doing a weekly Q and A, I've already got something up my sleeve that might be even better. For the last couple of weeks, I've been kicking around with some Perl scripts and what-not in an attempt to turn the player profiles section into a series of pages that everyone can update themselves in real time. You'll have the chance to write a narrative statement, and then answer about 40 questions (is that too many?). In fact, if anyone would like to help, give me a sense of what you'd like to know about your fellow teammates. Once I get things finalized, hopefully this weekend or early next week, I'll email everyone their passwords and you guys can go nuts.

Oh, trust me Dave, we do all call you crazy. Repeatedly. I hereby suggest that we change our name from the "Spiders" to the "Super Adventure Club."

Call me crazy, but based on recent updates to the page, I'd say Mikey doesn't leave his house much.

As much as I enjoy this webpage, I think there needs to be more in the way of features and such. As a result I am suggesting a weekly Q and A session with a selected Spider. I am volunteering my services. I will interview Pete first.

That was quite a Penguin game tonight. Each time after the power went out, the best part was when the crowd started chanting "New A-ren-a, New A-ren-a." I actually heard that Mario has a Plan B in case the Isle of Capri doesn't get the slots license. He's going to try and get the Igloo on an upcoming episode of MTV's "Pimp My Arena."

Here's your official St. Patrick's Day joke, impress your friends at parties:
Q: "What's Irish and sits outside?"
A: "Patio Furniture"

Just wanted to let everyone know that in anticipation of Pitt's big basketball game tonight, I'll be dribbling all day.

Ok, this is just too good to pass up. For all you myspace fags out there. Although be forewarned, I'm thinking of doing something similar with the player profiles pages. http://www.myspaceisgay.com

After being convicted last week in Vietnam on child molestation charges, Gary Glitter has announced that he is filing an appeal. He claims it was all just a big misunderstanding. Said his lawyer: "Gary was merely giving the girls music lessons. Apparently they were good piano players, but they sucked at the organ."

I think you should just give a star to Bob Uecker

Mikey, B had the goal on a breakaway where he went double deek and finished with the backhand.

"At some point I hope to see you assholes again." Funny, that was the last line in Brokeback Mountain!

Good luck tonight guys, and remember fart if you have to...(at some point I hope to see you assholes again.)

Ah, yes, that was it! Now I remember why we pay you the big bucks. The main page has been updated. Although it's a shame now that no one will get to hear me explain snowballing to Jess. The persistent gay cowboy references serve to illustrate the point that societal norms in America are changing, and it is a commentary on the dichotomy that exists between recognizing those aspects of our society which previously escaped popular acceptance, and the need for maintaining the more generally accepted foundations upon which the judeo-christian ethic in this country is based. For example, twenty years ago, how many of us had ever witnessed full color hi-def videos of hot lesbians snowballing, let alone on demand at the click of a mouse? Now, I enjoy hot lesbians snowballing as much as the next guy. Probably more. But is the purveyance of such commodities undermining our moral fabric? Perhaps. And I say that as a dyed-in-the-wool agnostic, so I have no religious or theological underpinnings. As Karl Marx said, "Religion is the opiate of the people." Yet for better or for worse, the threat of retribution from a vengeful god, or the prospect of eternal damnation in the fires of hell has a tendency to keep people in line. Is that good or bad? I can't say for certain, but I do know that the end of civilization as we know it is near...

Oh and Mikey, in regards to the poll question and your recent postings, what is your obsession with gay cowboys? Seriously. Are you trying to tell us something? Or are you just trying to get Porn all excited before tonight's game?

I believe that Jess said "I haven't gotten any since Friday."

I miss his chocolate salty balls already.

I haven't decided if Hayes is a douche or a turd sandwich for this! Butters is most upset!

Ohhhh children! This is terrible news!

Always nice to hear from Spiders alumni. Logging in from nhl.com? Are you in their employ?

Hey dudes...just checking in on the Spiders....Good luck from NYC!

After the Super Bowl, Randle El said it wasn't just going to be about the bottom line. That, being a devoutly religious man, he was going to pray for guidance. I guess god told him "Show me the money!"

Mikey dude, you need a date.

Actually, you were claimed by the Wyoming Gay Cowboys. Pack your bags, lube up, and move out. Don't worry, B, you'll look much better playing hockey in ass-less chaps than you think. I know you're insecure, but honestly, your butt isn't that big.

Thats cause you knew I'd clear. No doubt about it.

But we did place you on waivers...

Deadline came and went......thanks for not trading me guys!

You assholes crack me up....

okay, now that was actuallty funny

Wow, how about those Oscars, huh? What a disappointment, Brokeback Mountain was expected to win a butt load, but it turned out painful in the end.

Kenny G sent me this. He thinks it should be our alternate logo. I'm not sure whether to be aroused or disgusted. Somebody better hurry up and bid, the auction ends in three hours. Hey, maybe she'll go to the Penguin game with me tonight!

Funny mikey, very funny, but seriously can you say holy restraining order batman.

This has been a rather surreal week around the ol' Spiders site, hasn't it? Dave's jilted gay cowboy lovers begging his forgiveness, Andy Gibb checking in from the afterlife (nice to see he's keeping busy), as the Bard himself said: "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy." Speaking of, did you hear that in Britian they've unveiled what they believe to be the only true portrait of Shakespeare painted during his lifetime? Damndest thing is, it shows him having sex with Paris Hilton. Hey, maybe she'll go to the Penguin game with me tomorrow! P.S. Red who?

SO DOES THAT MEAN I AM MISSED?

Ok, did I just stumble into some odd limbo of our guestbook??

I echo B's statement of "what the fuck?"

Weird

What in the fuck ?

Anybody up for the Pens game Saturday night? I've got an extra ticket and I'm a cheap date. Buy me a plate of nachos and I'll put out.

Oh, if I stay here without you, darling, I will die. I want you laying in the love I have to bring, I'd do anything to be your everything.

Dave, I will do anything to be your everything. Please trust me again.

Well its funny you should say that RED, because the team we just played had about three guys around your skill level, yet theyre still allowed to play.

HEY GUYS YOU MISS ME YET?

Hey imagine that, another schedule change!!

What, are you fuckin' kidding me?! That god damn cat is getting more action than I am... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uz4sOVAXDwo

Here's another site to check http://www.youtube.com type in hockey. lots of good hockey fights. We'll have to figure a way to put the Spiders on there.

Exactly what's so "sick and creepy" about urine-filled sex toys? Some of my best friends are urine-filled sex toys. Whatever you do, don't look in my hockey bag... http://tinyurl.com/rzzxh

If we get rid of McKeesport then what will Kenny and Petey do on the weekends?

Mikey--did you ever notice how everything illegal, sick, and creepy happens in McKeesport?? Makes you think we should just carpet-bomb that whole part of town some night while everyone there is asleep.

http://tinyurl.com/zkkas

Funny that this topic came up - (sorry, no pun intended!) I was going to send out an email and see what everyone thought about trying to arrange a night out...any ideas would be welcome...not only that, but what night would be better, price range, and food style....jay's might not be that bad of an idea, especially if we can do it before a game!

refering to Mikey's restaurant...this is why we don't put him in charge of any Spider Nite Out. I was thinking of asking if anyone was interested in doing a nite out. Instead of the 2 hour wait lines of Robinson town center, anyone have any suggestions?Jay's?

Opps, looks like somebody beat me to it... http://tinyurl.com/j75kd

I found the restaurant for the next Spiders Night Out. But I don't want to leave the tip. I think I'll give 'em the shaft instead.

Mikey~check your email when you get a chance if you happen to check the website before email.

If you go to her website at http://www.sashacohen.com and click under merchandise, you can buy snow cones made with that ice.

Does she wanna play for the spiders mkiey? Damn, Im jealous of that ice.

No, B, this this is your favorite picture ever.

That actually might be my favorite picture ever.

I think this tells us just about everything we need to know...

Well, if we're talking movie-based video games, my fav was always Activision's Shawshank Redemption. Although the GRAPHICS during the part where you have to fuck Tim Robbins up the ass were pretty lame.

Mikey---what about games like elevator action? Pole position? The arcade atari star wars??

Oh wait my joke did not come out like I meant it...uh...I said lightsaber...

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." -Wm. Shakespeare http://tinyurl.com/asvpy

Hahaha DJ wants it darkside

Dave...(heavy breathing) I...am..your..father...join me on the darkside. But I call dibbs on the red light saber.

Kenny, are these the droids youre looking for?

Aaaawwww...I wanted to be a Stormtrooper! Ok, ok I'll settle for Ewok.

Mikey you're so right...but seriously can I be a stormtrooper?

Who the hell are you douches talking about? Me or Porn?

Ok, just so you heartless bozos know, she reads this page. I haven't had any remaining faith in the goodness of humanity for serveral decades, but if I did, it would now be gone.

Well kenny, i guess since the fat chick is jabba, that yes, that would make pete princess leia....does that make mikey the little monkey lizard thing that laughs at everyone or the gray skined guy with the head tail wrapped around his neck who answers the door?

Dave, Jabba in part vi, does that mean that petey is princess leia?

Mikey, two quick pts, 1, where the hell is my star for the season huh? I mean I know I'm no Jim, but you could at least remember a guy (and if for nothing else because of the green socks); and 2, whats up with you sending fat chicks to stalk pete? While I find that to be funny as hell, you should realize the comedic appeal of the whole thing isnt going to last that long (picture Jabba in part VI and you'll know what I mean).

You know, it might be more efficient if you just tell us which games you WILL be attending. The early line out of Vegas has the over/under for the upcoming season at 2. In other news, thank god I didn't waste my money. Back in my day, we didn't have such new-fangled contraptions. If you wanted a longer winkie, you did it the old-fashioned way: you tied it to the back of a Buick...

Jess, Mikey and whoever gives a crap I won't be at the Spiders opener. Try to have fun in the shower without me..

And I've got some swampland in Florida I'd like to sell you...

Ok guys~ here it is: my total devotion and dedication to the team....a step above the rest!

You have to say the magic word first. That word of course being "arachibutyrophobia." Define it, and use it in a sentence. Then I'll post your picture for you. But only if the picture shows that Spiders tattoo on your left breast. All seriousness aside, post what you want in plain text and then email me the picture. I have to add it manually.

Mikey~how do you post pics on the website? I wanna post a pic to show how die hard and devoted i am to the spiders!

The only thing better than this would have been if I had seen her at the game on Sunday with a sign that said "Put it in my endzone Ben!"

You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! I wanted to put special characters in my "betting line" posting. The guestbook script prohibits them by default for security purposes (although I'm suspecting one of you bastards hacked the poll question based upon stroke mag responses), so I had to go in and temporarily modify it. In the process of testing, I overwrote the most recent copy of the resultant html file with an older one. But it's all good now, you've said what was on your mind, and my world makes sense again.

Dammit mikey, i make a posting say you owe yourself a #2 star as our whole line played great and that you should give yourself some love (see your own comments and add jokes here), and i also gave some other people props (red, dan, doug, stevie), and you go and do page maintenance and delete it, what is up with that? On another note, how about we win the next two games???

Opps, Dave, I think I inadvertantly erased your latest posting. As I recall, you said something about me being a #2 star, giving myself some love, and anonymous gay sex at an Ohio Turnpike service plaza at 2am Monday morning. If that doesn't capture the essence of your text, feel free to repost, and this time I won't be doing page maintenance, causing your message to vanish into the ether...

The over/under is 368. Ko Sports -360 @ Spiders +360. Take Ko and give the points. "'Kid, this ain't your night. We're going for the price on Wilson.' I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody..."

Hey, does anyone have Rick Tocchet's phone number? I'd like to put some cash on the next Spiders' game.

"This is a very simple game. You throw the ball. You catch the ball. You hit the ball. Sometimes you win. Sometimes you lose. Sometimes it rains."

How about "win the damn game"? Does that work to inspire?

any words of insperation for this evening

Ok, I'll modify the poll question for you, DJ. But honestly, I thought I had you covered already. I just assumed that you'd be taking your vibrator out to a romantic dinner, dressing him up in a little tuxedo, setting him on the table across from you, pretending to have him buy you a lobster dinner (since I hear that's what it takes to get you to put out), and then taking him home and impaling yourself on him for the next eight hours until you can't walk straight. Although I guess this begs the question of how that's different from any other Saturday night...

The newest poll is sexist. What about KY, a vibrator and photos of Justin Timberlake...ok that's Dave's idea of a good evening...even so there is a male slant on the whole whole poll question.

B, I agree with your call on the score but the MVP will be Nate Washington. Nate Baby Nate!

Steelers 31- Seahawks 16 MVP- Willie Parker

Detroit or Bust: Your guide to spotting Kenny G and Mikey at the Super Bowl. We begin the trek on Saturday afternoon by attending the Pens game at 2:00pm. As Kenny G so astutely points out, let's hope none of the Pens' bad mojo rubs off on us and that we don't carry it with us to Detroit and infect the Steelers. We're staying over at Kenny G's sister-in-law's house outside of Cleveland on Saturday night. Early Sunday morning, we depart for Mo Town. Needless to say, Kenny G will be handling the driving on this leg of the trip, since I'll be fast asleep until noon. We hope to arrive by mid-day, depending on factors such as weather, traffic, and fuel leakage. Here is a picture of where we will be sitting. The purple arrow indicates our section. I THINK we will be behind the end zone painted for the Seahawks. Don't quote me on that, but in comparing the seating chart with posted photos from Tuesday's media day, I'm fairly certain I'm correct. I will be wearing my yellow throwback jersey. For those that haven't seen me wear it in the locker room, here is a picture of one. I will also have an original 1970s Terrible Towel that too is more yellow than gold in color. Kenny will be wearing his lucky black Steeler sweatshirt, so he'll be tougher to spot, but it's his lucky shirt so you can't argue with success. We will be back under the overhang from what I can tell, so lighting will be dim. We're in row 8 of the 300 level, so we'll be pretty high up in the stratosphere. You're more likely to catch a glimpse on a point after attempt than a field goal, just due to the trajectory of the ball. We hope to be on the road home by midnight, although that might be optimistic. Our ETA back in the 'Burgh is 5-6:00am on Monday. We're both taking cameras, although mine is not digital. I hope to have at least a few posted by Monday night, but not until later, since I'm likely to be in bed for a good 8-10 hours. If anybody will be watching the game in hi-def, you've got the best chance. And if anybody has TiVo or a DVR that you can burn to DVD, I'll trade you a Super Bowl souvenir program for a pre-game/game/post-game DVD.

And here all this time I thought it was nothing but a Spiders circle jerk going on in the showers... http://tinyurl.com/d447z

This is wrong on so many different levels: http://tinyurl.com/93kv In particular, the official defintion: http://tinyurl.com/2dert

On another note, I think if we didnt resign Pete for next season, we could use the money we'd save from his signing bonus to lure Palfy out of retirement....just a thought.

Some people have a lil much in the way of spare time on their hands...eh mikey.

I only got the one message from you last Friday. So if you sent anything else...just with everything else in my life-not gettin' it.

Just a little something to get everyone in the mood for next Sunday. Did you know that the original melody of this song was composed for a Swedish documentary film that included porn? Apparently Jim Henson was aware of this fact, but liked it so much he went ahead and used it anyway. So without further ado: Puhlahmahlu

Has anyone with a yahoo account (specifically Kenny G, DJ, and Jess) received any messages from me in the last week? I keep getting delivery failed notices, but not until days after the fact. In the meantime, I wonder what the effect of having sex WHILE public speaking would be...http://tinyurl.com/9xpfa

Ok, Mr. Lemieux, do you accept this decree of shenanigans?

SHENANIGANS! SHENANIGANS!

Get out your broom, DJ, I think you're going to have to call shenanigans again.

Hey guys, Now that I have some free time, I was wondering if you could maybe fit me on next season's roster. I do OK as a forward, but I'd play defense if that's what you need.

You're just jealous, Dave! Tell you what, I'll scan in a picture of the tickets and post it here so you can sit around and masturbate over them for the next week and a half. But put me down for 7 minutes and 30 seconds in the poll. Oh, and DJ, just for the record, I'm not gay, and neither is my boyfriend.

Unfortunately, the Pete/Adam/ Rich line does their grinding together off the ice...Petey sandwich anyone? On the poll about the adventures of Mikey and Kenny...I say they don't make it past Cleveland where a gang of disgruntled Browns faces will carjack motoring Stiller fans on the way to Detroit and shove Terrible Towels in places that would make Mryon yell "Double Yoi". Squeal Kenny Squeal!!

Why isn't the Spiders poll updated to be about the Stillers?

With regards to B's poll, I would have to say the pete/rich/adam line is the more popular grind line. I'd also like to start my own informal poll, asking "When Mikey and Kenny get to the big game, how long before they've been robbed, carjacked, or Kenny uses Mikey as a human-shield to escape being stabbed?" Be sure to give your answer in at least minutes. My guess is about 15-20 min, from what I've heard from my coworker who lived in Detroit until she came here 3yrs ago.

You are all gay...

Congrats Mikey on the tickets.......I'm taking an informal poll..Which is the most popular Grind Line? Maltby/Draper/McCarty or Pete/Rich/Adam?

"I got a feeling, Kenny and Mikey are goin' to the Super Bowl!" Well, our tickets arrived, so I can finally breath a sigh of relief. It's amazing, the NFL really went all out on these beauties. They're like pieces of artwork in and of themselves. I'm definitely going to frame mine and hang it on the wall when we get back. I had no idea Super Bowl tickets were drawn in crayon on the backs of cocktail napkins, and sold exclusively by some homeless guy named Gus in the back alley behind a 7-11 at the corner of any major intersection. We've got really good seats, too. According to the chart, we're right behind second base at the Pontiac Silverdome. Only cost me my right kidney and my first born male child. Here wiggo Stillers!

This just in...according to un-named sources within the organization, Pittsburgh Penguins center and owner Mario Lemieux is set to announce his retirement at a 2pm press conference. Lemieux will cite lingering health problems as his raison d'etre. Said Lemieux: "Well, of course you know I feel like I'm in the best shape of my career. Obviously, I feel I can go out there and retire at a very high level." This follows on the heels of last week's retirement of forward Ziggy Palffy due to rabies, and precedes next week's expected announcement that rookie Sidney Crosby will be leaving hockey to pursue his lifelong dream of becoming a gay cowboy in Wyoming. Stay tuned to Spiders Network News for breaking developments.

As a matter of fact, I did. Although I won't rest easy until I actually have them in hand. Carpe diem, I always say. It's called being single, having no kids, no mortgage, and being gainfully employed. Now if Kenny backs out on me, seeing as how he only meets the fourth criteria, I'll entertain offers. Otherwise, be sure to look for us in the crowd. We'll be the ones wearing Steeler jerseys...

So Mikey did you get those superbowl tickets?

"You can spit shine your shoes, because we're goin' dancin', in just a moment, with Lord Lombardi..."

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The best player on your team thinks he's a pirate.

I love lamp.

I pooped a hammer, I pooped a tape recorder, I pooped a cornish hen....

Since no one else has said it, I will, Mikey, you scare me.

Incontrovertible proof that society as we know it is crumbling: http://tinyurl.com/8rgnv

In case anyone wonders what I do late at night in the library when I'm by myself. The pages were already stuck together. Honest. http://tinyurl.com/88d59

Note to self: stock refrigerator with lots of Mountain Dew. Or start hanging out at Starbucks. http://tinyurl.com/byy6o

Then why do they call it the BOOB tube? http://tinyurl.com/a3v7o

Hi All! Wanted to wish you good luck tonight - I just got informed by my supervisor that I have to work until at least 10:30 tonight, and that there wasn't anyone else available to cover the extra shift until that time. Sorry - I know that I haven't been there a lot this season - you guys have been lucky! I'm also fighting an upper respiratory infection, so I wouldn't want to get anyone sick for the playoffs!! Go Spiders! I better see website updates first thing in the A.M.!!

I wish I had a nutsack for just one day so someone could kick me in it. Just beating myself up over something stupid.

Ha!

Hey wait a minute this isn't were i parked my car

TO CONTINUE FROM LAST WEEK. DJ IF YOU ARE NOT AT THE STRIP CLUB THIS WEEKEND. YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME AFTER THE GAME.......IN THE SHOWER.

Top Ten Advertising Slogans, or Things DJ Will Say in the Locker Room on Saturday Night
10. Mmm, mmm good!
9. Bet you can't eat just one.
8. Manly yes, but I like it too.
7. Melts in your mouth, not in your hand.
6. Built Ford tough.
5. Tastes great. Less filling.
4. I'm lovin' it.
3. Finger-lickin' good.
2. Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
1. Home of the Whopper.

So Mikey when are you entering into negotiations to get the Glass Cleaner as our official mascot? I mean, if I have to take a pay cut for the team to afford it, I'll gladly sacrifice for the greater good.

Sketch pad: Ten dollars on MasterCard. Black Sharpie: Three dollars on MasterCard. Getting dick-whipped by 15 sweaty cocks in a locker room: PRICELESS.

Hey I have to be able to draw the male anatomy and all it's bits and pieces for my first Intimate Humans Relations test. I'm bringing a sharpie to the game Saturday so who would like to drop their pants so I can sketch on the real thing for practice?

That's an excellent plan, B. My idea was to go with putting so many players on our bench that gravity swells to the point where we collapse upon ourselves and form a singularity, thereby ensuring us a win since nobody on the Killer B's will be able to escape our gravitational grasp and make it past the blueline. The only downside to my plan is that if we inadvertently tear the fabric of the space-time continuum, we might release creatures from an alternate universe, and I hear the 14th dimension has a really good hockey team. At least according to ESPN.

Well no one has had more Haitian immigrant sex than me so I know of what you speak......I was hoping for next game we could overpower the other team with a 7 line attack, with each shift lasting approximately 12.4 seconds.

Jess is one step ahead of you, B. She already told me she's importing a boatload of Haitian refugees for Saturday's game. They don't skate very well, or even stand up for that matter, since most are missing at least one limb. But on the plus side, the sucky-sucky is only five dollar.

We need more players

HERE WIGGO STILLERS HERE WIGGO! I know you're not supposed to lead your gift horse to water before you count your chickens, but I swear, if we win two more, I'm headed to Detroit. Anyone up for blowing a wad (of money) and taking a road trip?

WTF did I do? Check your account, I sent you two messages today...

Ok Mikey, thank for letting me know that you are still alive..dick. BTW, you may want to check your computer settings since it says you logged in on DECEMBER 6th.

Alas Red I will be working Saturday night...the Strip Club waits for no one. I can only dream what you had in store for me.

No, no, no, you misunderstood, I said I wanted to go see BAREBACK MOUNT-MAN!

Mikey, I got the e-mail you sent me...To answer your question...NO, I DON'T WANT TO GO SEE BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN WITH YOU!!!

DJ, last time i checked, the only homos on the team were mikey and pete....and kenny....and B's cousin mark.....and that JB guy.....

d j will you be there saturday? if you are i will........................ and see then if you still call me a homo.

Red, you mean scandals other than your torrid homosexual affair with Dave, or what's left of him by 2018?

why thanks mikey and are there any scandles going on in my as el presidenta

Red, you won't be there for the 2018 game because you'll be in Washington in the midst of your second term as President.

Hi All! Sorry I missed our win on Tuesday ~ came down with a nasty case of the flu. That's my story and I'm stickin to it! Merry Belated XMas to all and a Safe and Happy New Year to Yinz! You can yell at me at the the next game for my shitty managerial negligence of the team!

Hey Mikey Where will i be on July 21 2018 during the game

No it was positively arousing!

Did I offend you, B?

I do in fact exist DJ

Will B give coaching instructions naked? Of course he is Irish so you are responsible for bringing your own magnifying glass...

C'mon, Dave, seriously, how do you really feel? Don't hold back, tell us what's on your mind. I agree with B. In fact, let's get started right now. For our game on July 21, 2018, I say we go with B at center, me in a wheelchair on left, and Xerplum from Planet Slorm at right. We'll stick with our super intelligent cyborg in goal, and Kenny G's head on the blueline.

As I've stood behind the bench for a game and now finally gotten back to where I can play in a game, I have the following things to make note of: 1, Red is a really fucking good player, 2, our goalie sucks and reverted to his shitty form in the third period; also, who the hell is he talking to all the time (himself)?, 3, watching that new guy in the blue helmet do anything on the ice is painful (although he did have a nice deflection for that own goal), 4, pete is a bastard, and 5, did anyone know what the hell happened to jess? That is all, carry on.

I think maybe it wouldn't be the worst idea in the world to take a few minutes in the locker room before the game to review Coach Evan's strategies on where forwards should be in the defensive and offensive zones, as well as maybe make our line combos more than 3 seconds before the opening faceoff. Agree/Disagree?

Merry Kwanzaa everyone!

Tuesday's game as been switched to 9:10pm. In the meantime, Season's Greetings and Salutations to the entire Spiders family.

Thats just good clean posting.

Where the hell do you find this stuff? And should Jess and I expect to find the latter under our trees this season?

I've got just one question: If this is volume three, what the hell were volumes one and two about?

I've got just two words to say: ROAD TRIP! http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10561253/from/ET/

B, your web page is awesome!!! I never knew how active you were in the gay community. Sooooo...who is pretending to be Sidney?

Ok...I'm going to have to call shenanigans on the Sidney Crosby posting.

You guys are great. Can you fit me on the roster next season?

Ever wonder to yourself.....What's B like away from the ice???? Probably not but feel free to leave naked pictures or random insults at www.myspace.com/bdiddy94 And as a special bonus feel free to click on Kenny Porn's page as well!

Don't worry, Red, Joe Denardo said the forecast calls for partly clauhd-y skies around the Allegheny Cahnty area.

Well as it looks this week my be alot like last week If the game not is cancelled we just need to make sure we have 5 and a goalie so we get the win again

hey B we didnt get more goals than the other team but we still came out with a win

I hope we score more goals than the other team next game!

You are truly a glutton for punishment!! You better not get hurt in the "off-season" or we might have to cut you on waivers!!

The madness has begun. I started yesterday on the backyard icerink. Its more or less a 14x14 slush rink this afternoon but it sounds like its going to be a good cold week. I'll send Mikey update photos to show how its coming along, if anyone has any suggestions email me. Also I found a website that would have made things alot easier but a little on the pricey side. www.nicerink.com

No wonder Dave likes that song so much!

Didn't you know the "Hey Song" was about young Asian boys?

My world just doesn't make sense anymore...http://tinyurl.com/bf9yl

In case any of us were wondering what to get Jess and DJ for Christmas...http://tinyurl.com/dvgve

Perfect, except that they don't match my purse...http://tinyurl.com/cosw9

Ok, first we need to get ourselves some cheerleaders, then... http://msnbc.msn.com/id/9956517/

Red and black split-crotch leather thong embroidered with the Spiders logo? Yet another thign i was deprived of while playing. The hits just keep on coming!!

Uncrested Buffalo jersey: $20 - Twill lettering: $8 - Red and black split-crotch leather thong embroidered with the Spiders logo: priceless.

OK everyone~ last chance. I will be putting in jersey orders first thing Thursday morning when I got to work at KoSports. If I haven't received an email from you by that point in time, I will assume you don't need/want a jersey. You can call my cell too if need be. Thanks!

Mark~ I figured you were on strike whenever you didn't reply to my emails about the season and didn't give me an updated number when you had your phone changed so I didn't roster you. Should I go back and change my roster?

Actually i got two games and a happy ending but still no player profile so until further notice i'm on strike! No Scabs!!

I chose the best pics to post, DJ! The rest were all just close up crotch shots. How you managed that self portrait I'll never know. Nah, nah, nah, B, Shaving Ryan's Privates was the movie you did with Tom Cruise. Guy Hard: With a Boner was the movie you did with Pete.

Actually it was Shaving Ryan's Privates

Hey Mikey!!! Where are the rest of the photos I sent you of Spiders night? Stop watching B and Petey's sexual exploits and get to it...I know it's tough with one hand and all but...

I thought that one was Shaving Private Ryan.

No thats the film I made with Pete over the summer.

I thought it was Good Will Humping.

Good Will Hunting

Hi, just came across your page by accident. I'm actually a friend of one of the players, and just wanted to say good luck.

Hey B, what movie did you say mentioned the Irish Curse? Just wondering.

So, you're saying you already thanked Kenny with a TICKLE-BUBBLE- SHOWER SCENE? I wondered where you had disappeared to from the locker room last Sunday. Oh, and with regards to your email, I plan to make all ten games this season, so I'm not looking for refunds for games I miss, but I only want to pay for time I actually spend on the ice. I don't think I should have to pay for sitting on the bench in between shifts. So keep track of my ice time and present me with an invoice at the end of the season, ok?

Mikey~you mean you didn't join in the personal favors poll to thank Kenny? You cheap bastard! And all you wanted to do was give him kudos on a frickin website??!

(Sound of crickets chirping in the background since Tuesday.) Ok, fuck it then, I guess we don't owe Kenny dick.

I think we all owe Kenny G a big round of applesauce for providing us with the chance to spend a night sniffing jockstraps at the Civic Arena. DJ was going as far as pulling Vinnie Lecavalier's pubic hairs out of the shower drain in the visitor's locker room. Look for them on eBay. But again, kudos to Kenny for making it all happen.

here is my email mikey

First you post a list of 300 euphemisms for female masturbation, then you send us a video singing the praises of the camel toe. Methinks ye might have a touch of Sappho coursing through your veins there, Jess. Not that there's anything wrong with it.

Great Season guys, was one of the most fun I've played on. My goal for next season is to win one faceoff.

We need ya Mark for your muckin and grindin on saturday,I mean thursday, no wait saturday yeah thats the ticket. and oh yeah LETS GO PENS!

what do you need me for at the play off games for to watch you guys run up the score?

Now THAT sounded like a fun night that I missed!! And the quotes had me freakin rollin on the ground at work. Kenny~sorry if you didn't get the email from Mark - I've been forwarding all of them to you. Which makes me wonder - did you get the one I sent you from Porn?

That goalie did suck

Thank you Marky-Mark. Plus are you going to make it for the playoff game saturday?

i replyed to jess' email and told her id be there

Spider Nite at Mellon Arena - ok yinz guys we still could use 3 more skaters. PLus if anyone can get a hold of Dave and Mark and see if they will be there. Let me know.

LASTEST ADDITION TO SPIDER NITE. Big Johnny aka Reach will be joining us at the mellon arena

RED~I like BUMS?? That's the best you guys could come up with?!? My god - I miss one game and the quotes go down the shitter. I hope that there's a good story BEHIND it!

Jess thats not right. but i looked at all of them. it was funny. i know the stars of the game is Mikey's call, but just wanted to say that i thought every1 has put a huge effort. the last 2 games were tough ones and we came out on top both of them. every1 has played well. but thats all .......ba bye

Jess, you are a damn sick unit...but I like it!

Hi Everyone! Thought I would send along some reading assignments. You can either have your speech prepared for tonight or next Saturday on the following two websites: www.worldwidewank.com/synonyms3.html or www.worldwidewank.com/synonyms2.html Enjoy!

Wha-chu talkin' 'bout, Willis?

say what.

Ahhh, that'd be Mark. Hence the "We Are" statement below. Mario might not give you his jock, but he'd probably trade you for two pairs of game used panties and a sports bra. But only if they were game used by Kenny G.

Soooooo...who the heck is voting for Joe Pa's crew? What are the odds Mario will leave behind his jock strap for me to find at the Arena?

You're gonna hook us up with a complimentary pre-game team meal with all the fixin's at the Duquesne Club, aren't you? I know they have a dress code, so I'll wear my best sweatpants. The ones with only two holes in the seat. Just be sure to save me a deep fried Milky Way and two handfuls of mashed patatoes.

We could eat out at the Y. Just a suggestion.

You mean I'm gonna have to miss the explosive new miniseries Rome, airing Sunday nights at 9:00 on HBO, where lots of people have sex while lots of other people sit around and watch like it's nothing out of the ordinary?

We officially are reserved for Sunday Oct. 16, 7-9pm,mellon arena. Spiders Invade Mellon Arena Part III.

Hey, anyone interested in a Spiders pre-Civic Arena dinner? Suggestions?

You say pa-tay-toe, I say pa-tah-toe...

or Spiders not Spoiders

Isnt the Spoiders webpage poll like 70% of the BCS formula?

Oh, sure, you've got time to vote 28 times in the poll and be the pivot man in those circle jerks in the coat room of the Duquesne Club with Lynn Swann, Mark Recchi, Tom Murphy, and Zippy the Wonder Spud, but you don't have time to show up for any of our damn games!

We Are!!!!!!!!!!

no #3 star awarded in a win? you're slippin web-head. Did anyone head down to pens training camp today? If anyone does head down this week, may sure you let Mario to keep the ice in good shape for us, we don't need it destroyed for Spider's nite!

For the record DJ, i havent even voted for the current poll, but if i did, you know who id vote for.

Hey Petey so Meaty, I emailed a Padre friend of mine about the stuff we talked about on the bench the other day and he got back to me. If you give me you email address I'll forward it to you. Freaky stuff. Plus, tell you brother to stop stacking the poll. Nittanys are Nothin'!

I standeth correctedeth. I hast made the necessary corrections, m'lady.

Mikey~actually, i said "rank" not rancid. If ye shall quote, quoteth right!

Kenny~ I sent the info along to some more people my address book along w/ the rest of the Spiders that might not know about it b/c they weren't there or don't check the website. Do we have another goalie yet? I sent the email to Lynnie to, so maybe she'll be able to sit inbetween the pipes too!

SPIDERS INVADE THE MELLON ARENA PART III. Once again we will have the opportunity to rent the ice for a little pick-up hockey at Sid's new house. Will be in October, I should have a definte date in a couple weeks. For now there are 2 things to be concerned with 1-getting skaters. I'm thinking a total of 22 skaters-2 goalies and 2 full lines per side.2-money,if we get 2 hours like last time, 25 each will cover it,just remember less skaters means more money, so ask around of who else is interested and get their phone numbers. I will have a sign-up sheet tonight.

The views by Big Red do not reflect the views of CDI or its partners in any way... in other news...I got an email from the pens stating that preseason tickets go on sale today.How does the Tuesday Sept.27 vs Columbus game sound. The other game is Sunday Oct.2 vs the Caps. Think about it.

Note for CONCERNED FORMER PLAYER: Red never said anything about burning down refs houses. The only thing I burn up is the back of the net with pucks.........If you would like a lesson in that issue, I could try and help you. You can contact me at G F Y.com Current player named R E D

"This is a song about a car, this is called Red Barchetta." "Well, I believe that the car has been one of the standard metaphors, and there are volumes that have been written about the sociological and cultural impact of the car and what it represents, but it also has a very fundamental, sensual appeal, and it's a metaphor for sexuality and for freedom." Bonus points to anyone who can name the source of the above quotation. Kenny G is disqualified since he knows damn well from where it came. Oh, and in case you haven't guessed by now, I finally took delivery of my truck. I thought I was buying mid-size, but it barely fits in the garage. I wish I had a dime for every time a woman said that to me, I'd have, well, damn near a nickel. The modifications they made are really cool, I can barely even tell that the anal warts are simulated!

He was going to say prostitution hall i bet!!!!!

Reminds me of the time I was in Washington and visited Prostitut...I mean Constitution Hall.

Yes, I visited the Statue of Limitations when I was in New York..or was that the Statue of Liberty? No, no, it was the Statue of David when I was in Italy. Wait, wait, now I remember. It was the Leaning Tower of PIZZA that I got to see. Best pizza deliver service in Italy. All in all, what was the question??

Yeah, you know, the Statue of Limitations. Bonus points for anyone who can give me its actual name. Good news, Dave! Madonna broke her collar bone too! Now you two have something to talk about, no more awkward pauses over dinner. But since her's is a fresh break, and you've already been healing for a couple of months, you'll probably have to let her be on top. Or behind you.

Where exactly is this STATUE of limitations anyways??? I guess the spiders grammar check was turned off for that one.

Kenny~i'm likin your idea for the Spiders night - I think that would be pretty sweet. Wonder what kinda deal Mikey can hook us up with? And by the way; better get your boy under control for the season - i'm tired of having to be the bitch about everything!!

Wow I cannot believe the spiders have sunk to the point of bringing back Big Red. The statue of limations must have expired on the threats of burning down the refs house. Anyways Glad to see you have finally reached the bottom of the barrel in alumni. Maybe the spiders should pitch in a extra 20 to retain the services of a attorney for future Red outbreaks. Anyway good luck with the new/old recruit. By the way I heard Dale is available on waivers.

Damn! My truck's not gonna be ready until next weekend! It's taking an extra long time to special order an inflatible love doll with simulated anal warts. Which means that Kenny, feel free to take Matthew on his first snipe hunt this weekend, and Jess, enjoy your pudding wrestling with a clear conscience, neither of you will be missing anything on Saturday...

Now that I'm all around chief math guru, even though I can't count above 27 without taking off my pants, I figured, pun intended, it was my obligation to share a little mathematical humor. I bet you didn't know such a thing existed, did you? Now, without further ado: Did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician? He had to work it out with a pencil! (Rimshot) Thank you, thank you very much! I'll be here all week. Try the veal, and don't forget to tip your waitress!

In the immortal words of Michael McDonald and James Ingram (not, not our Captain Jim): "Yah Mo Be There." Sid the Kid's first game in the Burgh. Stop by and see me in good ol' section E-11, my home away from home since 1988. I can hang after, but probably not before. Or, how about we go someplace to watch the opener on October 5th?

Spider Nite Out? just thinking of what Jess was saying,how about the pens exhibition game on Sept. 27? Mikey's got connections at the arena.

Ok, Dukes of Hazzard it shall be. I'd still rather do Catherine Bach at 51 than Jessica Simpson at 25. I'll add the music tonight. In the meantime, I've disabled the Sinatra. Boy, you guys just don't appreciate the classics, do you? Mudflaps with nekkid chicks! Damn! I knew I forgot something. Good thing I'm alone this afternoon, I almost spit Sprite out of my nose reading "Keep honking, I'm reloading." I've never seen that one before. Good stuff! Problem is, I probably won't pick it up until Saturday. See, I'm a good negotiator, so I talked them into replacing the air bag with an inflatible love doll for free. It takes the boredom out of those long drives and makes crashing into telephone polls almost enjoyable. It'll take a couple of days to install, so most of you bozos won't get to see it on Saturday night! C'mon, you guys can go camping or nude jello wrestling any day, why not show up and see the debut of my killer monster truck? Hell, Matthew would probably be game for it, right Ken?

You should have the gun rack, but you hang your fishin rod on it(I have a bass pro shop decal for you to)I agree with Jess about the song.new season,new outlook,getter done. The Dukes of Hazzard theme song sounds good.

Mikey~ you forgot the "keep honking I'm reloading" bumper sticker. And what about the mudflaps w/ the naked chic on them? Don't forget to get the sticker of Calvin pissing on the Ford/Chevy symbol, too. Gotta have one of those!! And BTW - will ya change the frickin song on the home page? This humdrum shit has GOT TO GO!!! Throw some Waylon Jennings on there or something if you are so inspired!

Ok, I must beg the indulgence of my colleagues. I just bought my first pickup truck tonight, and while it is a rice burner, I need to go over the official truck owner's checklist. If I've missed anything, I need you guys to let me know. Ready? Here we go: Cowboy hat? Check. Cowboy boots? Check. Gun rack? Check. "My President is Charlton Heston" bumper sticker? Check. "I will give up my gun when they pry it from my cold, dead hand" bumper sticker? Check. Confederate flag window sticker? Check. Bass Pro Shop window sticker? Check. Am I missing anything? I take delivery this weekend, so I have to know ASAP.

Yes, I am hiring for the position of sexretary. The only job requirement is that she must be able to take dicktation in the oversize section.

And they said math was for dorks. Way to prove em wrong Mikey!

Mikey, I think smelling the books at the new job has gotten out of control. Are you going to have a sexretary to help you?

As that great American sage Mel Brooks once said: "It's good to be the king!" Here I sit, high upon my exalted throne, surveying my kingdom, master of my domain. Later this afternoon, I intend to levy some additional taxes, and hang several serfs for poaching game upon my lands. And hey, if anyone's jonesing for a fix, I can hook you up with some primo Acta Mathematica or Acta Physica Polonica Series B from my private stash. Also, if any of you loyal subjects need to get in touch with me at my new job, don't bother calling or emailing, just drop to your knees and pray, I'll hear you. BTW, Jess, it wasn't the sequins, it was the glitter body paint and the tassels, especially when you got one swinging clockwise and one swinging counterclockwise...

Hi. Can I play?? I hear this hockey stuff is fun.

SPIDERS BRING BACK BIG RED. Spider Nation announced today a deal was inked to bring back Big Red on the blue line for a weak and much needed punch on defense. After talking with Jess of who we have signed up for this season...our wins and losses columns will defintely switch! LETS GO SPIDERS!

Looking at recent postings and all I can do is shake my head.

It must have been the sequins that helped out the fund! And by the way, we might have a little more than that if the weekend works out well!!

Well my broker is EF Hutton, and EF Hutton says...

My agent, Drew Rosenhaus told me to hold out the first month of the season.

Well, what do you expect? I've been locked in my basement, worshipping at the altar of Sinatra and poking myself in the eye with a pointy stick in a desperate but futile attempt to distract from my achy breaky heart, Dave went insane because he couldn't learn to masturbate with his other hand, DJ is going to hell, and speaking of hell, it's been so damn hot lately that Stevie has been spotted wandering the streets of Wellsburg wearing nothing but leg pads and a jockstrap, Kenny G and his son have been glued to the Teletubby marathon on PBS, and Jess has been spotted wandering the streets of Avella wearing nothing but leg pads and a jockstrap. Not because of the heat, just because she likes it. But on the bright side, I start my new job on Monday and I'm buying a truck to celebrate, Dave is now knitting us nice new uniforms during his stay at the Sunny Hill Happy Farm, DJ had her dildo blessed with holy water, Stevie switched from exhibitionism to crack, Kenny G has introduced Matthew to Skinemax, and Jess made $1,387.58, more than enough to cover our league fees this season. So expect the guestbook traffic to pick right the fuck up.

This guestbook is dead.

Pens arent drafting Crosby, they're going to draft Federov from two for roughing.

Sidney Crosby is gonna be a Penguin! It's a great day for hockey! Lord Stanley, coming home to Pittsburgh in June 2006. This is almost, almost, but not quite enough to make me not want to spend the entire weekend in bed with the blinds drawn listening to the three new Sinatra torch song albums I just bought off of Amazon...

Gee, I sure do like hockey!

I saw the webpage and figure I'll pencil myself in as the games third star, muhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

I agree..very classy move. Number one star greatly deserved just for that alone.

HEY YINZ GUYS, check this site out. Its a trailer for a tv show about late night hockey called Beer League. www.zoomcom.ca/beerleague/ get ready for the playoffs!

No~it wasn't the midgets or Thousand Island dressing. It was the Austrailian men's beach volleyball team and it was Catalina dressing. If you are going to bash, you better get your damn facts straight!! Anyways, I had to "raise" the money to be able to fund everyone elses hcokey addictions - ungrateful bastards!

What my brother is trying to say is that he saw our missing Spider in a questionable video involving some midgets and thousand island dressing, but hey, in today's economy you gotta get work where you can find it right?

Kenny---I think I saw here on the side of a milk carton.

LOST AND FOUND COLUMN;LOST - one player/owner of the Southpointe Spiders. female,tall,right handed shot,answers to the name of Jess,ability to make you deaf if you sit to close to her,always can be found with cell phone going off at ALL hours of the day.Last seen about 4 weeks ago at Spiders game before heading to Canada for hockey tournament. Please contact this site if you spot her.

Alas, no, I didn't even know the last time I saw her was the last time I'd ever cast my gaze upon her face. After saying goodbye, I'd always linger for a final brief moment before I'd catch a glimpse of her form quickly darting onto the tram at the airport. Little did I know on Memorial Day that this time it would serve as my last tangible memory of her. "I was a hum-drum person, leading a life apart, When love flew in through my window wide, and quickened my hum-drum heart. Love flew in thorugh my window, I was so happy then, but after love had stayed a little while, love flew out again..." I've got to stop listening to Frank or I swear I'm going to slice out my own heart with a rusty butter knife.

Did you at least have the breakup sex? With Michelle, I at least got that.

Indeed. And I have only myself to blame. Again to quote Sinatra..."If you find love, hang on to each caress and never let love go, for when it's gone you'll know the loneliness, the heartbreak, only the lonely know."

Does that mean that she dumped you mikey? Did she at least do it in a constructive way, as opposed to running out of the country and going to iraq?

The wee hours....thats when you gotta go right?

Gimme a break, I've been spending the last two weeks crying in my beer and listening to Sinatra. In the immortal words of Old Blue Eyes himself: "In the wee small hours of the morning, when the whole wide world is fast asleep, you lie awake and think about the girl, and never ever think of counting sheep. When your lonely heart has learned its lesson, you'd be hers if only she would call. In the wee small hours of the morning, that's the time you miss her most of all." SIGH

How am I supposed to know whats going on if the site isn't updated?? Come'on Mikey!! Damn it all to hell!

Updates! Updates! Updates!

Great job tonight guys, way to kick ass!

OK YINZ GUYS! in the immortal words of the great philosopher SO-CRATES, LETS GETTER DONE! We need a win tonite. That is all.

You guys better kick some ass tonight! Do if for the gipper!! Hate to miss a game but obviously my bosses don't realize the importance of hockey yet! One day the whole world will realize it! hahahahaha It will be ours for the taking!

90 degrees = hockey

Beat those fuckers.

TAP TAP. Check one, check one. Testing one-two-three. Is this thing on?

I just wanted to thank all of you guys that show up for every game and pay the league fees, and for those of you who call me or email me to let me know if you'll be able to make the games. I appreciate the fact that you have stuck w/ the team even during our not-so-great seasons and keep coming back to try to win some games. It's been easier to deal w/ the hassel of running a team w/ a great group of guys like you. Thanks so much!

From Jess' email: "Read on....and keep this in the back of your mind when we're screaming from the bench." What's this WE shit?

Actually, no. Obviously, since it's five after twelve and I'm posting in the guestbook and not sitting next to a Wookie and two Boba Fetts watching the opening crawl of the midnight showing. In fact, I may not see it until Memorial Day weekend. No, it just makes me reminisce about my youth. Playing with my action figures. Dressing up like Chewbacca for Halloween. Then I turned 32.

Mikey, do you like Star Wars?

We're still going to win the Cup this year..... you heard it here first!

Our sacred guestbook has been spammed! The horror, the horror... BTW, the answer to the trivia question is the Grace Under Pressure tour video from Rush. Even today, they still use a video screen behind the stage to introduce certain songs with animations, guest cameos, etc.. For the song "The Weapon," they had Count Floyd from SCTV talk about how it was a scary song (hence Kenny G's comment), and then he went on to make the remark about 3-D glasses. A non-sequitur. It was funny at the time. You had to be there.

What the F is that?

feeling bored? then why not try some http://www.world-sports-beting.co.uk sports betting to win some cash

Is it from UHF mikey?

"Be sure to have your special 3-D glasses with you. Otherwise, you'll only be seeing this thing in one half D!" Bonus points to anyone other than Kenny G. who can identify the source of the above quotation.

I think we're in trouble just from the date of the first game, friday the 13th! ooooo scary.

I think we will at least medal

I think our goal should be to finish no worse than 4th place this season. It might not be easy, but I'm confident we can pull it off. After all, the Force is with us.

Atta Boy Mikey!!!!!! Thanks from Lazy asses like myselffor the prompt schedule update......... I HATE THE SPORTABILITY WEBSITE!!!!!!!!It's a pain in the Arse! Hope to see you guys at a few games.... -17-

Well not that we know that youre in the big apple, were going to come get you so that you can finish out your spiders contract.

Hey dudes, Good luck in the summer season. Wish I was there to play. Apparently hockey does not exist in the big apple, but we do play our softball on asphalt. So, that outta toughin' me up. All the best.

Spiders Summer 2005.... Worst to First!

Habemus papam...

FYI guys~ I put us in for another lovely season at the Iceoplex establishment. I need to know ASAP if there is going to be any scheduling requests so I can make sure that we get them into Steve so I am not pulling my hair out trying to rearrange players. Either call me or email me back, but I almost would prefer a call or text message. I will have access to a computer from Monday till Wednesday.

Happy B-day Mikey. maybe the refs will let you score with a broken stick tomorrow.

I wont be at the game tomorrow night, so give 'em hell spiders.

Fuck, who WASN'T getting railed? I say you give him a Hot Carl. Without the saran wrap.

Just so you guys know, I had to put up with my no-name-mentioned hockey boss who instantly began interrogating me Thursday saying "Wow-you guys looked really flat on Tuesday" blah blah blah. I say that because after he opened his mouth I kinda lost concentration on the conversation. And then he proceeds to act dumbfounded when I shot back at him "yeah, well your team is a bunch of assholes for running up the score like they did when we were getting relentlessly pounded and your guys decided to start railing people!!" His reply? "uh, who was railed?"

Hot Carl. And before anybody says a freakin' word, remember, DJ brought it up, not me. No wonder she never bothers to show up anymore, she's too busy tryin' to score some Ex-Lax.

I'll be honest.... I dont know what a Hot Carl is either. Is that good or bad that I dont know? Also, I voted for Nextel and damned if that wasnt hilarious.

Nope, no Dirty Sanchez. Nor will there be any mention of the Angry Dragon, Arabian Goggles, or the Mongolian Ambidextrous Beaver Junket With A Quarter Turn Counter-clockwise Swirl.

What, no mention of the dirty sanchez?

Ok, let me get this straight DJ, you don't know what "cowgirl" is, but you're familiar with Hot Carls? You must be getting plenty of fiber and eating lots of raisins. Stevie, your assignment is to cowgirl DJ until she can't sit down. I want to see her walking in with a limp on Tuesday. I was going to include Venus Butterfly on the list, but I figured most of you bozos don't own a copy of the Kama Sutra. Kenny, to answer you question, let me just begin by saying "Four score and seven years ago, our Founding Fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal..."

You assholes are the greatest...thanks for putting a smile on my face. BTW, what is the "cowgirl" position and why wasn't the "Hot Carl" on the list of options?

I would like to take this opportunity to say I'm sorry to the Spider Nation for either hitting Mikey to hard or not hard enough when we were kids, that we have to put up with essay answers. Anyone up for a Spiders nite out again? PLEASE MIKEY, a yes or no will do!

Sometimes I read the guestbook and get very afraid.....

Since when is science and the desire to know more about the world around us and the nature of life a silly pursuit? The desire to understand, the quest for knowledge, they're basic tenants of human nature. It's serious business. Like, well, for example...this.

I don't think your taking the guestbook seriously any more.

Well, actually, it's a pretty technical explanation, but here goes. There are four basic forces of nature: strong nuclear force, weak nuclear force, electromagnetism, and gravity. The first three are described very well by quantum mechanics (i.e. "Quantum Field Theory" or QFT), and the fourth, gravity, by Einstein's Theory of General Relativity. Unfortunatley, attempts to combine all four under the same framework fail miserably. This has led scientists on the quest for the so-called "Grand Unification Theory" or "Theory of Everything" (TOE), one that combines all forces under the same umbrella. Much attention has been focused on String Theory as a potential solution. Unlike in high school science, when you were taught that atomic particles like protons and electrons were the most fundamental building blocks, or perhaps in college physics when you were introduced to quarks as even smaller components, String Theory states that all matter consists of tiny loops that vibrate and interact with each other. String Theory solves the problem of incompatibility between QFT and GR. However, there are five separate such theories: I, IIA, IIB, and two different heterotic types. M-Theory, as it came to be known (the M is known to stand variously for "Mother of All String Theories," "Membrane-Theory," "magic," "mystic," as well as others), revolutionized understanding by stating that all five theories were really just variations of the same thing. Like the blind men touching different parts of an elephant and each describing what they thought was a different creature, M-Theory taught that each separate string theory was just a different part of the elephant. Except that now, like the various parts of the elephant all being attached to the same entity, all matter is connected to a single structure, a membrane upon which the strings vibrate. The common sense problem, though, is that in order for M-Theory to work, there have to be eleven dimensions; ten spatial and one temporal. Look around. It sure doesn't appear as though we live in such a world. I count three spatial. Even if I look behind the sofa and under the shed out back. Scientists got around this fact by postulating that the other seven dimensions exist all around us, but are small and folded back upon themselves in such a manner as to elude our perception. I, however, claim that each those seven "missing" dimensions are actually player profiles on our website. They are there, but are beyond our perception.

Mikey~ explain this one to me (and the unloved guys on the team): how is it that you can take the time to go about the entire statistical analysis of ambidextrous masterbating but you can't update the damn players profiles??? I mean, we have guys that are supposedly on our roster that haven't skated w/ us for 3 seasons, and we have guys that have skated with us for 3 seasons that aren't on our skater list! Come on doggy!!

E=mc²

Fo real yo!

What the hell was that all about??? Did anyone bother reading that crap? Who does math about masturbation? Just beat off and shut up!!!

And another thing, have those statistics been adjusted for women who are left-handed? Or ambidextrous? So let's say I shake DJ's hand tonight, and she's been diddling all week with her left hand, does that count as one of the eleven for the year? And if not, then how many women will I shake hands with this year who have recently masturbated and not washed their hands but who have used their left hands? 22? But only about 10 percent of the population is left handed. So that would mean 1.1 plus 11, equalling 12.1 women per year. However, this assumes that no right handed women use their left hands to make clam chowder and vise versa. And should we even care about gauche gapers since we won't be touching that hand anyhow? C'mon, Jess, you can't just toss out these statistics without backing them up. If there's one thing I've learned in all my years as a librarian, it's that you must cite your references. Well, that and the fact that first edition Chaucers make great coasters.

To quote Jess' group email: "Annually you will shake hands with 11 women who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands. Annually you will shake hands with 6 men who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands." 11 women and only 6 men? Does that mean women double click their mouses more often than guys flog their dolphins, or that women just don't wash their hands as much? Or both? P.S. I was thinking about attempting to score a goal like that, but the thought of B being my bitch for life was just, well, really scary. P.P.S. I'm glad to see someone voted for "doggy."

Believe it or not ..... some of you guys played against/with a kid who can score crazy goals like that!!! Last time we had ice at Bethel a kid named Chris was playing with us.... He has a similar move to that..

Wow, there are too many Spiders with thier hands in their pants...sigh. But I bet those three sleep better afterwards( yes speaking from experience, you fing perverts).

Yeah that goal is ridiculous.

If anyone can do this I'm your bitch for life........ www.jagauthentics.com/hiseygoal.wmv

I heard tommorow's game against the Medicine Men is going to be violent

Isn't Forsberg out for the season in europe with an injury?

Brendan, thanks for the hockey tips, they really made a difference for me!

If you get bored and miss hockey.... check this site out www.hockeyvids.com......especially the kovalchuk one.

In defense of Kenny, he was all out of butt plugs and nipple clamps, and "Ralph's House of Nookie" was having a one day only after 10pm sale. But he's all stocked up now, and should be at the game next week, lubed up, excited, and ready to go.

I just wanted to say great hustle last night to everyone who was there. Now for those of you who weren't there, well for Bren, I can accept being out of the country as an excuse, but Kenny, saying that you had errands to run??!!!?? Who runs errands at 10:20PM on a Tuesday night? I mean really now. Don't you have four other nights during the work week in which to run errands? Don't you have a wife who is supposed to do that stuff for you? At the very least, couldn't you have just done the errands on the way home after the game? Wouldn't the errands have waited a day? Its not like errands get mad at you when you don't pay attention to them. Using an "errands" excuse is like someone saying that they'll be late to a few games because they have to work late at the library.

Ken--crawl out from whatever rock your wife has shoved you under and come to a damn game, better yet, come to a game, and play in it. Bren--Drink the green fairy.

Yes, I'm actually on the Spiders webpage instead of touring wonderful scenic Munich. Granted its 10:30pm. Did you know that "DJ" means "anal warts" in German? Beat T- Rex on Tuesday!

No no no. You don't get it at all. Here, let me try to get the ball rolling. "I very much like the naturalness of Debbie Gibson's breasts. I can tell that Playboy only photographed her in certain poses to minimize the slight concaveness that typically accompanies such 34 year old mammaries, which is a shame, because in some pictures of her in low cut attire, they look just fine. See, IMHO, it's not the size of the breast that matters, it's the CHARACTER that counts. Something unique. Curves. Sway. It just disappoints me a bit that her nipples are more in the pink area of the spectrum. I prefer something a little darker. And it's surprising in a sense, considering that smaller breasts are typically the ones that do feature darker nipples." Ok, and now here's where Jess and DJ chime in and say "Lighter nipples are just as attractive, as are larger breasts. It's kind of tough to explain, we'll just show you what we're talking about at the next game."

So anyhow Im checking the old postings here and then stumble upon this like to debbies chest.......................................................................................sorry what were we discussing?

And to think i used to badmouth the content of the internet. finally something usefull.

Debbie Gibson's nipples. Discuss.

Finally of all the useless drivel that spews from my mouth some recognition. p.s. Matt had the fourth goal but whos keeping track.

Horatio is my favorite player. Plays the game with a certain joir d' vivre.

Mikey, i saw that link, and dare i say it, you have too much time on your hands.

Mark, you probably have to take it from each of the Pylons to get a profile.

Who does a guy have to blow around here to get a player profile. For christ's sake!!!

Don't think I'll be there tonight guys, recovering from strep. Good luck and sorry!

As opposed to shooting something else in a barrel?

Solicitation for free massages? You know, Jess, there are SO many sarcastic comments I could make, but I'm not going to, because it would be like shooting fish in a barrel...

OH YEAH!!! Shoot on this Goalie.... Med Men's goalie was the POLAR BEAR'S First and WORST Goalie...Thats why he no longer a BEAR!!!!! GOOD LUCK AGAIN. - 17-

Good luck tommorrow (Tonight actually)Spiders!!! I'll be back as soon as possible...Paulie

Let's just pray the curtains truly match the drapes. Unless she prefers hardwood floors that is !!

"MRS." Ampersand? You just got done singing your own praises for being single! I'll be glad to update your player profile, as soon as I get that new mugshot of you developed. You know, the one where you're wearing those split crotch panties. Next to the midget. In the tub of Crisco. With the handcuffs. While spanking the men's Romanian cross-country tiddlywinks team. Speaking of, do yinz guys know that Debbie Gibson is in Playboy this month?! From "Electric Youth" to "Electric Boobs." From "Lost in Your Eyes" to "Lost in Her Thighs." I actually met her once! Although she had her clothes on at the time...

AND when are you going to reorganize the damn player profiles??Geez laweez!! Can we get you to at least do SOMETHING on this site??

AND that's MRS. AMPERSAND to you! All have to say is: ampersand,ampersand,ampersand,ampersand,ampersand,ampersand, and anal warts!

Mikey, there are just sometimes when I cant even remember what I did yesterday, and on another note, who would want to hack this site, i mean really now.

Whatsamatter Dave, your memory so short that you can't recall what happened in season 25? As for the ampersand, that safeguard is in there to protect me against you bozos hacking in to the server and erasing all of the pictures of my lawngoose! So Jess, I guess you'll just have to say "give it to me long AND hard" instead of "give it to me long AMPERSAND hard!"

Two things, one, I also say boo to valentines day, and second, how long does one have to wait to read about the team exploits during season twenty-five?

And what the hell is the deal w/ not being able to use a damn "and" sign on this friggin page? ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

Ok Mikey-forgive me for using your nifty little schedule page - so here it is- screw you and the anal warts you slid in on!! Anyways, keep an eye on the Sportability web site- supposedly Steve A. is trying to change up some of those early games. One has been changed already - we are shooting for at least 3 out of the 5. And it's not just you that makes me lose my mind - it's all of you guys!! At least I can be one of the few girls that can say she has a team full of men for a post-valentine's day date!! Cheers for all of us that are single! Down with valentine's day! BOO!!

Mikey, youre forgetting about all the posts complaining about various things...for example....

I hate to break this to you, Jess, but I don't think that has anything to do with why you're losing your mind. If I were you, I'd be blaming it on the medical experiments, the alien abductions, the flouride in the water supply, and your irrational fear of contracting anal warts. All seriousness aside, I had it wrong in one little obscure place! So sue me! For what you're paying me to run this site, you're lucky it's not hosted on an Etch-A-Sketch. I'm actually surprised that someone even bothered to look at any page on the website other than this one. It seems like all anyone ever does is login to the guestbook and post comments containing words like "anal warts" and "existential phenomenological psychology."

Mikey~assflake~check your schedule - it should read MARCH 10 not February! No wonder why I am losing my mind!

Mikey~ check the schedule you have posted on our site - it says the 10th about the 3rd game down - I have a phone call into Anthos right now trying to figure out what's going on!!

Not only did we lose, I think we got screwed on the schedule for next season. Paybacks for wanting to stay in D? Pretty much all 9 o'clock games the second half. Gonna be very hard for me to make. Same deal with Mark, as I recall. Unless the rest of you bastards are just trying to get rid of us...

Im not sure if we should all be glad or upset that B didnt include us in his "Peyote Fest '05".....anyhow, since the game is now on Thursday, I can watch reruns of Perfect Strangers on Wednesday.

OUR GAME IS NOT WEDNESDAY THE 3RD - IT IS THURSDAY THE 3RD!!!! SORRY!!! SHIT!!!

B... You don't have to worry... I'll never kick you with my skate again !!!! (As long as your giving me awards) Heh Heh.....

So after doing peyote for 9 hours straight I decided to come out with my own awards ceremony in honor of another groundbreaking Spiders season......... Lady Byng- Of course it has to be Matt Selke Award- This was tough but I think I'm going to go with Mikey . Vezina Trophy- Was tough but Steve just edges out.... Steve Calder Trophy- Nate put up a hell of a fight but got to give the nod to Mark for his big goals all year. Norris Trophy- Got to go with Squilla on this one. The man simply stopped more shots with his body than Tupac Shakur this year. Art Ross- who the hell knows. KDKA Extra Effort Award goes to both Jess and Steve C. for busting their collective asses up and down the ice all season. Canonsburg School District Perfect Attendance Award goes to ..... "Superfan" Kenny Porn for not missing a moment of Spiders action all year! And the Hart Trophy goes to the entire Spiders team...... No "Lemieuxs" to rely on like other teams, just had contributions from everyone all season. Got shelled by two teams only to come back with dramatic victories over both. Everyone stepped up with our backs to the wall. One game away!

Here's something funny: if you haven't read the guestbook entries in a long time, try reading from the top. Hilarious. Can't possibly be this funny when you read it in chronological order. I see that I'm listed under Honored Alumni. Only two things wrong with that title.

As for Anthos.... BITE ME!!!!! On A Different Note, SPIDERS........ GREAT FUCKIN ' GAME!!!!! Can't Wait Till' Next WEDS. LOOK OUT PYLONS!!!!!!!!!

Can't do it to us, we'd lose Matt and would never have enough players for games.

Lets see, Big Cat is out, Nate, who knows, and were probably losing someone else I can't think of....then we look at the people who actually show up to every game....to quote myself from my email to Jess, "Tell Steve Anthos to fuck off"; I believe that about sums it up.

Move us up a division because we "match perfectly?" IMHO, I don't think so. We went through nine straight losing seasons after we won the title in March '02. The most we won in any single season was four. Even the past two seasons, we haven't exactly been blowing people out of the water on a regular basis. I think we match perfectly right where we are, especially if we're losing Big Cat. Thoughts? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

Geez oh man, bitch bitch bitch. Doesn't anyone have anything better to do than sit around all weekend logging into the website? Oops, I forgot who I was talking about. Of course nobody does. Not everyone can live an active, exciting life like me. I was busy all weekend cleaning my toilet, vaccuming my carpets, spanking my monkey. You know, the usual "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" type stuff. Next week, all I have on my schedule is picking lint out of my belly button, so updates should occur in a more timely fashion...

YO MIKE!! There's NO EXCUSE for you NOT to have this website updated!! What are we paying you for?? Oh....um...we're not paying you, are we...? Well, DAMMIT that doesn't matter! Know your role, bitch!! And get in that kitchen and bake me a pie!!!

I second dave's comments..... #1STAR MIKE!!!!!!!!

You know, I have one simple request, and that is to have the damn webpage updated, so I have something to make a smartass comment about, but apparenrly that cant be done. Mikey also cant supply us with slightly ill-tempered seabass, so its a total loss.

Steelers, please follow the Spiders lead!

Mikey, I'm still waiting for you to give yourself that #1 F in STAR!!!!!!!

At the very least B's ass deserves a #3 star for strategy for tonights game

Big Cat's not gonna play next season?! Just for that, he's off the team! Oh, wait...

“Well then I guess there's only one thing left to do!” “What's that?” “Win the whole fuckin' thing!”

OK here it is. We play tonite without Big Cat and Jess found out the Pylons are already in the finals...What should we do about it.

Dave hiding your feelings doesn't make you less suspect.

I'm flattered/frightened/aroused.

Looking at recent postings, and well should we really be surprised about who has made comments about B's ass?

Mikey, you forgot the numerous other things B's ass can do but I won't get into that right now. There might be kids reading this page. I will tell you this though, it once opened 10 beer bottles at once. His ass is truly magnificent.

Not only can B's ass draw a diagram for us, it can solve quadratic equations, develop cleaner, more efficient cars, bring peace to the Middle East, and prevent tsunamis, all with a fresh, pine scent. It truly is a magic ass. Just ask Porn.

B That's the most intelligent thing your ass has ever said. Could it also draw up a diagram for us?

First thing, Mikey where is your star? Secondly, I think we can defintely win on Friday if we change a few things up, mainly we should work at leaving a forward high in the zone when we are attacking. Preferably whichever forward is last in the zone should stay above the circles to prevent odd man breaks. Also, since that Panthers team D-men can all pretty much rush the puck well, I was thinking it may be a good idea to not forecheck them in their own zone and instead should not challenge them until they hit the red line. Maybe then we can clog up the neutral zone and cause some turnovers. I'm completely talking out of my ass of course but it's just a thought.

For the next poll can we ask our fans what type of underwear we would most like to see on our female players. (That includes Porn of course.)

I don't think we can afford the signing bonus.

Is it possible to sign those posts for the rest of the season?

Big ups to the Goal Posts.

That sounds like a great idea, and I'm all for it, but you'd have to convince the girls to let their all natural scrub brushes grow in full. I wouldn't want to have my clear coat finish scratched with anything artificial, and "landing strips" just won't cut it.

I used to know whats going on but now...I just don't know.

Its times like these that I'm very afraid after reading the page....instead making people sick for 12 months, why not just wait until it warms up and have Jess and some of her friends do a Spiders carwash?

Mikey it sounds as if you could "cover" at least three consecutive months all by yourself.

Well, we could do a semi-nude calendar to raise funds. Call it "Fucktoys of the Spiders." Although I'd need two months to fit all of my anatomy into view. Porn could pose in a little set of wings and a bow and arrow for February. The Ambiguously Gay Duo could take a hot August beach shoot. And if we just put a hidden camera in the shower, we can capture all the hot sapphic action that already goes on between our Young....Wet....Female Featherless Bipeds.

Hey yinz guys!! Hope that we have a good showing of team spirit for our late as hell game on Friday!! Just a reminder, if anyone wants to help pitch in a little more cash for league fees and if anyone knows some players that would show up and pay for next season, let me know and we might be able to work out a deal to discount your league fees for next season! Hope all is well....hey Mikey, since you finally got a steam powered cell phone you can finally use it to call me!!

You know, B, many women would find the term "bitches" very degrading. In my experience, they respond much better to more civilized terms such as "slut," "ho bag," or at the very least "fucktoy."

Young....Wet....Bitches

So, what did everyone get for Xmas? Other than your yearly boink under the Xmas tree? I got a Ginsu™ knife set, but then I sawed through all of the steel support beams in my house testing it, and now I'm living in a cardboard box under the 9th Street Bridge. I got a year's supply of condoms, and hopefully I'll be able to use the second one with someone else. I got the special extended dual two disc collector's edition set of The Passion of the Christ/Backdoor Sluts 9. I got a copy of "Breakdancing for Dummies." I got a steam-powered cell phone. And then of course I got some dumb stuff, too...

Are we still playing hockey? whats it been, 2 months since we last played? I hope I remember everything on friday. GO STILLERS!!!

Is this thing on?

Happy Festivus you spider bastards!

Hey all, Pauly wanted me to post that tommorow, Wednesday the 22nd he would be having open ice up at Bladerunners at 10:45 pm. Come on up and practice for the playoffs Spiders.

If I didnt know any better, I'd swear that rearview mirror comment meant he was gay.....

I'll go one better, i like hockey, i like beer, and i like tits.

I'm with "B" on the beer and hockey!

I like beer. I like hockey.

So~ I see you guys had some issues w/ a lack of, well, um....shall we say "felines" on the bench and that there were some hanging issues in the lockerroom? tsk tsk tsk.....

Mark, I thought the only reason you used a rearview mirror was to see who was getting you from behind. But now I see you also use it so you can see the play down near your own net when you're at the opponent's blue line and won't get back or won't turn around to at least see what's going on.

Whoops Damn Enter Button. Anyways, Porn loves to fill in any position just ask Pauly ;-). Still waiting for you to skate out and show me my mistakes. I just need to get a rearview mirror first!

2 to 1...whew...way to pull it out boys. My thanks to the PORNster for filling in and keeping the winning going. Merry Christmas and I'll, without a doubt, see you guys next game. Good freakin job.

We were down quite a few players last night, but our crack investigative staff has managed to find out why. Kenny G was at home in front of his computer with a woody hitting the reload button again and again to vote for his picture on the Pens' website because he's OBSESSED with it. Jess was putting her massage therapy schooling to work by offering free rub and tug jobs (complete with "happy endings") in her office at the corner of any major intersection. Stevie had to stay home and lance DJ's anal warts because she's had a few "accidents" trying to hold the mirror and the scalpel at the same time and doing it herself.

No no no, the Pens meant to call the picture PORN Kings, not Prom Kings. Speaking of Porn, Stevie emailed to say he's out tonight and Porn is in. Although with Porn, he's probably actually in and out and in and out and in and out...

Kenny G, when did we get a fan, let alone fan(s)? Was I too busy harassing Mikey to notice?

CALLING ALL SPIDERS / FAN(S), I NEED YOUR HELP... goto the penguins web site and vote for Prom Kings in their "take your best shot contest". Its the picture of me,Mikey and Johnny boy about an hour before my wedding, why the pens called it prom kings, I duhno. please vote and vote often. Thanks!!!

Well isn't that a great way of asking people to participate? Me and my Anal Warts are in.

Any of you dopey bastards who would be interested in playing on a coed softball team this spring, let me know either at a game or email me on my hotmail, snatchers98

HEY!!! everybody showing up tonight? That would be nice. Since no one is into letting Jess know you can't make the game, post it here. oh yeah, anal warts and peace!

Alas, we are not. We play December 14, but then not again until the 7th. Kenny's going to email you about maybe getting together anyhow, although it doesn't look like you've got a lot of time on you hands. We'll give it a shot, though! Oh, and if you're gonna keep posting on the board here, you must start incorporating something about anal warts into every message. Like that.

Mikey, do you guys have any games around the New Year? I'll be in Pit the 31st to the 2nd and I'd like to come out and see y'all.

Mikey didnt you say that you would give JB a star before Dave????

As cool as the Vince Guaraldi Trio may be I don't think they are Spiders material.

What the HELL is with the music on the main page????? Couldn't find any AC/DC?

Ok, so maybe he's not THE man, but he's A man. Isn't he? Michelle? Jess? Wanda? Anyone care to confirm?

Mikey you truly are a pioneer in caring about dave's feelings. Congrats on treading unknown territory.

Mikey, I dont respect liars. He is not the man, and frankly you shouldnt be filling his head with those hopes.

Ok, since it's been all weekend and noone has posted, now I'm worried that Dave is offended and didn't realize I was jaggin' 'em 'n 'at. You da man, Dave, you da man.

No, Dave, the reason why you didn't get a star has nothing to do with the "Love Child" comment. It's just that I don't like you. If I refuse to give you stars, I'm hoping maybe you'll go away, and become a crushed, lost man, wandering the streets with nothing but a pocketful of broken dreams and a crack whore girlfriend named Wanda. Either that or I'm waiting for the bribe money. Didn't you get the memo? $20 for a first star, $15 for number two, $10 for third. Except for Jess and DJ. For them it costs sexual favors. Which is why neither of them ever get stars. Eric "Weeble" Wilson! My god, talk about a voice from the past. How the hell are you? And how the hell did you manage to find our site? Johnny Boy used to play with us, but he moved back and forth from Florida again a few years ago, and then sort of dropped out of sight about a year after his return. Last I heard, he was playing a tamborine and selling flowers at the airport.

Very, very cool site. I can't believe I stumbled across it. The Spiders? A formidable roster, indeed! A far cry from the pitiful folk that were the Angry Armadillos. Kenny G and Michael Ford still playing hockey together after all these years. Who'd a thunk it? You guys heard from John Dick? Peace.

Ok guys.... Found the Penguin logo from Southpointe. It's on Ebay. Starting bid is 1.00 so start saving your money.

The way Dave bitches about getting a star you would think it comes with a gift certificate to the Olive Garden! Hey Dave I'll lend you the 60 bucs to take a girl out already.

It was the love child comment that did me in, wasnt it?

No soup for you!

Hey Mikey, where the hell is my star?

Isn't Nutfuzz Mikey and Pauly's love child?

I think Fromunda is a team in the Swedish League

Let us not forget. In a tiny little hamlet of "NUTFUZZ" is where "FROMUNDA CHEESE" grows. Hey Jess don't forget I have next!

Mikey, there havent been any conquests of any sort this week, and I also dont know any lame ghost jokes, so youve got me beat there. But I bet I could get Jess to slap me again, if that would entertain you, just let me know, as youre probably waiting for this to update before you leave for the game in awhile.

Well then, Dave, why not regale us with some lusty tales of your bold conquests and daring adventures? Or, if that fails, just make up some stories about naked boobies. Q: What did the ghost say to the bee? A: Boo, bee!

You know, you make one too many comments about people having free time on their hands and what happens? The peanut gallery takes some time off.

I sign in just to look around. I get my message across on the ice.

Mikey, I think that Steve was trying to tell you that he also believes that you have too much time on your hands.

You want to use Anal-ease, Jess? In the past you've always preferred Astroglide. Stevie, hit the TAB key after you type in your name, not the ENTER key. And to everyone else out there in Spider-land, Happy Erection Day! Vote early, vote often.

would someone please help Stevie with the guestbook. goalies!

So who wouldnt like Jess...umm slapping them...yeah thats it, she just slapped me, muhahahahahahaha.

Mark~ don't worry- we'll try to ease you into the Spiders lingo - Mike, don't forget the anal ease for that, too on Tuesday! Dave, BTW - you know you liked it. And please keep the stuff for POST GAME activities, no more pregame stuff!!

I'm new to the team so I'm still trying to get the inside jokes but the web page definetly helps

Dave, as I recall, Jess did slap you. And you liked it. Waaaay too much. B, you only feel dirty reading this page SOME of the time? Damn, I'm not doing my job then! Porn, you've left behind a legacy. Why, in fact just last night, we were all sitting around in the locker room talking about how we'd "never forget old what's-his-name."

I love how I still get mentioned in the guestbook and, better yet, that I get a star awarded to me eventhough I've been kicked to the curb. Honestly, playing with you guys was a blast and because I had such a good time, if you need a goalie, I'll be there. And by the way, you should watch out 'cause KO Sports might be using me a few games this season and one might be against the Spiders.

I believe the goal scorers were Ryan, Nate Dogg, Matt and myself. Also, while I'm here I have to say that sometimes the Spiders guestbook makes me feel dirty just reading it.

If Happy Fun Ball starts smoking, place in water.....WARNING: Do not put Happy Fun Ball in water. Anyhow, as I was about to say, why doesnt Jess just slap me a few times?

Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball!

Where in the hell is this going. Don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

Kudos to Jess for showing such dedication to the team by shaving her nether-regions into the shape of the Spiders logo. I think Dave should do the same with his ass hair for next week's game. It would be sure to impress Michelle. And maybe Porn, too.

Q: Why do Canadians do it doggy style? A: So they can both watch the hockey game.

Well at least I know youre reading this thing before games Mikey; and yes, she does know about the website and she takes full blame for Friday (well ok, 3/4 blame).

I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that Dave never told Michelle about the Spiders website. Otherwise, she'd probably be upset to hear that Dave shared all of the explicit details of their pregame tryst last Friday. You know, the whips, the chains, the car batteries and nipple clamps, the midgets, the circus freaks, the farm animals. Let's just hope she didn't contract anal warts. Sitting on those cold, metal bleachers would only exacerbate the condition...

Im glad I earned a star for being a smartass, because my new "pregame" ritual wasted all of my energy and I played like shit during the last game; I would point out however, that early in the 1st period I did have a nice pass through the slot to Mikey, but he only scores when B passes to him....conspiracy theories abound. Anyhow, just to stop Mikey from the abuse I know Im sure to get before the game tonight, Im going back to what worked last season, and Friday's "pregame" will become a postgame; now tell me, did any of that make sense? Can you read this without glasses? Was that Larry on our team who scored from center ice, or just some other jackass?

"Is it any wonder I've got too much time on my hands? It's ticking away with my sanity. I've got too much time on my hands. It's hard to believe such a calamity. I've got too much time on my hands, and it's ticking away, ticking away from me..." -Styx, we're coming soon to a state fair or bar mitzvah near you! P.S. Dennis DeYoung has anal warts!

Is it just me, or does anyone else think that maybe Mikey has way too much time on his hands?

Hey, looks like Popular Science magazine has heard of the Spiders! http://www.popsci.com/popsci/science/article/0,20967,713468,00.html

Since our webhead thinks everyone has esp, no not espn, if you click on the box with our latest stanley cup there is our team picture. Get ready to defend the championship friday night boys!

Someone needs to be sure to tell Jess to make sure that she lets B know when the first game of the next season is.

If you let it play through, it does segue into "We Are the Champions," although unfortunatley not William Hung's version. If you leave the homepage and come back, it will keep re-starting with RnRII. Give it about two minutes to cue up WATC. You can also click the "Lord Stanley" text to hear Mike Lange's famous call.

Kenny did you inform them of what team wanted to rent the rink? Did you inform them that we are the current D league champs of their former Soutpointe home? Did you inform them that the only team to beat us the whole season was the team that we defeated in the second game of the championship series? Did you inform them that after we beat the Boomers they left the ice with their tails between their legs and were so scared to playing the Spiders again that they crapped their pants and their team folded? I think that if they knew that information, they'd say, "screw the ice capades, bring on the Spiders!!!"

I like rock n roll part 2 playing on the site but I think William Hung's version of we are the champions would be better. Also, I called the Mellon Arena about ice time, they said they are only making ice for ice shows like the ice capades and then melting it. We have to wait until the pens start playing again...so we'll have to wait a couple years.

So Jess, where is B now? Ok, where is he...now? How about....now?

Good luck everyone!

Mark Messier guaranteed victory for the Spiders tonight.

Can someone remember to bring a camera tonight?

Oh, and don't worry - I know EXACTLY where B is you shitheads!!

Ok guys~ now we have a monkeyless Porn, anal wart epidemics, and the power of the 4 lunar eclipses under Patton's rule to go on - Let's kick some Boomer ASS!!

Two words . . . Asian bukkake!!!

Ok, so now that the game time is moved to 1010, will someone make sure that Bren knows, I mean we really dont need to hear Jess going on and on about where B is again, do we? Also, what would they do if instead of PORN in tape letters, someone just had it permanent markered on their stick? Second thought....dont try that until during the regular season....

we're gonna go inside, we're gonna go outside, inside and outside. we're gonna get 'em on the run boy's and once we get 'em on the run we're gonna keep 'em on the run! and then we're gonna go! go! go! and we're not gonna stop till we get across that goaline! this is a team they say is good, but i think we're better than them, they can't lick us. so what do ya say men!

Shall we play a game? Sure,how about global thermo-nuclear hockey.

I know you're tired, I know you're hurting. I wish I could say something classy and inspirational, but it wouldn't be our style. Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory lasts forever. Gentlemen, it's been an honor to share the field of battle with you. We ain't losing this game.

Yeah, I mean hey, after all, you know...free shit. Can't beat that.

I shoveled shit in Louisiana before. It didn't pay well but it had great benefits.

I like to think that if General Patton had a favorite hockey team, it would be the Spiders

Be seated. I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a hockey game by dying for his team. He won it by making the other poor, dumb bastard die for his team. Men, all this stuff you've heard about the Spiders not wanting to fight, wanting to stay out of the game is a lot of horse dung. Spiders, traditionally, love to fight. All real Spiders love the sting of battle. When you were kids you all admired the champion marble shooter, the fastest runner, big league ball player, toughest boxer. Spiders love a winner and will not tolerate a loser. Spiders play to win all the time. I wouldn't give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed. That's why Spiders have never lost and will never lose a championship series, because the very thought of losing is hateful to Spiders. Now, the Spiders are a team. They live, eat, sleep, fight as a team. This individuality stuff is a bunch of crap. The bilious bastards who wrote that stuff about individuality for the Saturday Evening Post don't know anything more about real battle than they do about fornicating. Now we have the finest food, equipment, the best spirit, and the best men in the world. You know, by god I, I actually pity those poor bastards we're going up against, by god, I do. We're not just going to shoot the bastards; we're going to cut out their living guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks. We're going to murder those lousy Boomers bastards by the bushel. Now, some of you boys, I know are wondering whether or not you'll chicken out under fire. Don't worry about that. I can assure you that you will all do your duty. The Boomers are the enemy. Wade into them. Spill their blood. Shoot them in the belly. When you put your hand into a bunch a goo that a moment before was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do. Now there's another thing I want you to remember: I don't want to get any messages that we are holding our position. We're not holding anything. Let the Boomers do that. We are advancing constantly and we're not interested into holding onto anything except the enemy. We're going to hold onto him by the nose and we're going to kick him in the ass. We're going to kick the hell out of him all the time and we're going to go through him like crap through a goose. Now, there's one thing that you men will be able to say when you get back home. And you may thank god for it. Thirty years from now when you’re sitting around your fireside with your grandson on your knee, and he asks you what did you do in the great Southpointe championship series of fall '04? You won't have to say, "Well, I shoveled shit in Louisiana." Alright, now you sons-a-bitches, you know how I feel. I will be proud to lead you wonderful guys into battle anytime, anywhere. That's all.

I'm just glad nobody's blamming me for the outbreak of anal warts. By the way, if anyone comes down with gonorrhea, it wasn't me.

Damn, who knew that anal warts were so rampant?

And we did...

What's this lyin' around shit? Over?! Nothing is over until we say it's over! Was the war over then the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?! Hell no! And it's not over now! 'Cause when the goin' gets tough...,...,..., the tough get goin'! Let's do it!

good luck Spiders

JUST WIN BABY!!!

one word . . . CAMELTOE

Justin Strelczyk ran his ass over.

Umm B, I didnt know that JB had died.

I dedicate this season to the memory of JB

I just want to appologize for my performance Monday night. I also need to thank the team for scoring the goals they did when they did. Hopefully I'll get it together for the next game.

SPIDERS BACK IN THE CHAMPIONSHIP!!! KEEP ROCKIN BOYS!

Good luck in the playoffs !

As Van Morrison once said: "Well it's a marvelous night for a bone dance..." Hey DJ, where the hell have you been? Have the anal warts returned? Or are those lockjaw rumors true? You know, Rod Stewart had to have his stomach pumped back in the 70s for that. I think it was the same night Richard Gere showed up in the ER with his gerbil...

Anyone ready for a road trip? I found the web site of the CAN/AM tourney that Mikey and I went to in 1988. They are having one at Niagara Falls or Lake Placid next march/april. www.canamhockey.com

Oh, and a side order of fries.

I'll take one bone dance, please.

I was considering playing for you guys during the lockout. But after reading this board, I have changed my mind. You bastards.

I think Steve's sister did the rain dance but I hear she prefers the bone dance.

Ok, who did the damn rain dance?

Geez, the guy complains for six months about getting an entry on the profiles page, I finally get one up there, and he quits! If I'd have procrastinated for another week, I could have spared myself even the minimial effort I did manage to put forth. Then it would have been like he never existed. "Erased! Erased, from existence!" Now we're gonna have to replace him if the Spiders are going to forge ahead with our plans to break the World Anal Record next season. The judges from the Guiness Book of World Records are standing by, rubber gloves and rulers in hand...

Hey Guys, don't know if Jess told you yet, but my work schedule got changed and I'm done playing until May or so. Just wanted to say thanks to all for a great time.

P.S. She wouldn't be the first woman I turned gay...

But Dale's not playing this season!

After reading Mikey's story the other day I think Adrienne may have turned gay! She needs to be brought back to Team Hetero by one of the studs on our team!

Hahaha Mikey.

A rose by any other name...

Mikey- Some people call it a penis, not an elbow.

I...I....I... anyone ready for hockey?

Part II would have been even hotter, because I wrote that one in patent-pending 3-D "Smell-O-Vision" technology...

Damn that story was hot

Mikey, I don't care what anyone else says. You need not seek therapy. As a habitual masturbator, I needed that short story to get me through another private session. I just found one problem with your short story . . . Pittsburgh isn't a large northeastern city. It's medium sized at best. On a side note, I'm planning on installing video cameras throughout the shower to catch any and all excitement that may ensue between the lovely ladies on the team. The location of the cameras will be unknown but the tapes will be on sale a week after the hott, steamy, sultry, sensuous, lesbian tickle fights occur. Preorders will be available. Quantities are unlimited. Also, at the end of the season, I will be selling "The Best of . . . " collection containing all the mind-blowing, ass-slapping, nipple-pinching, fisting sessions to date. Reserve your copy today!!!

Oh, sure, everyone else talks about tickle bubble fights, dropping the soap in the shower, touching themselves, touching small furry animals, and I'M the bad guy for attempting to display a little artistic creativity. Everyone else just provided the clay. I was attempting to mould it into a work of art. Fine, see if I ever share with you the glory and grandeur that is my short story "Tickle Bubble Fight II: Invasion of the Alien Sex Babes With Seven Breasts Each."

Just my elbow??? Wheres the fun in that? Also I second that Mikey receive help.

Dear Penthouse Forum, I know you're not going to believe this, but I swear it's all true. I play on an ice hockey team in a small suburb of large northeastern city. What makes this team unusual is the fact that we have two hot babes on the roster, Jane and DK, as well as one who's our designated fan, Aida. Last week after our game, the locker room routine was going as usual. They guys showered first and left for the bar, the women hung behind and went in after. I was loitering around as usual, about to pick up my bag and leave, when I heard a strange, muffled sound coming from the showers. I crept closer and opened the door a crack to peek inside. What I saw changed my life forever. There was Jane, being playfully pinned up against the wall by DK and Aida. They were each tickling her incessantly. The wet spray of the water made their glistening naked bodies slippery, and Jane managed to free one of her hands and quickly slap DK's ass. DK let out a squeal and reached back to rub her stinging behind, and Jane slipped completely free and began to chase DK and Aida around the showers, all of them laughing and giggling like schoolgirls. Jane finally cornered them both, placing her hands on the wall above them to block their movement. As if by telepathy, Aida and DK each reached out for Jane at the same time, and began to rub and caress her. Jane's knees were beginning to wilt, so they all laid down and began exploring each other's bodies. The chorus of gentle moans and sighs gradually increased in intensity until it was a cacophony of orgasmic screams. When it was over, they collapsed, their spent bodies heaving in the steam as the water continued to cascade over their taunt flesh. I silently shut the door, gathered my equipment, and departed, wondering to myself what next week might bring. Perhaps me joining them? I'll let you know. NAME AND ADDRESS WITHHELD BY REQUEST.

Not that that's a bad thing of course......

This guestbook is slowly turning into something out of Penthouse Forum

If we win next week, Adrienne promises that she'll touch your elbow all night, Dave. And if you score a goal, she'll even give your pancreas a good jerk.

Why doesnt she touch players when we win???

Yeah, but what Adrienne didn't tell us is where she touches herself. I can picture it now. She goes home, lights some candles, puts on some Barry White, pours herself a glass of wine, moistens her supple fingers and then slowly, gently, but deliberately begins to caress the innermost recesses of her womanly...elbow.

Anyone in favor of making ALL goailes from now on suit up with the refs say "I". This should be changed from the guestbook to Spider chatroom. I love yinz freaks.

TICKLE BUBBLE SHOWER??? Hell, I think the fans should get involved if they want.In all seriousness though, I have some rather sobering news. I had to spend all day Sunday in the hospital. I came down with a multiple chronic masterbation personality disorder. This happens when you masterbate too much and change up which hand you use so after a while, you just can't keep track anymore and . . . well it's not a good scene. Luckily there is a cure: duct taping your less dominant hand to your side. So if you see me rubbing my crotch with my glove hand during the game, you'll know why.

Damn! Even the FANS are getting freakalik!! Can't wait to see what THIS week has in store for us!! I dare not say another word!!TICKLE BUBBLE SHOWER SCENE!!oops

Que?

Is the team going to have to spend a day at Western Psych?

Damn, this guestbook gets wackier and dare I say sexier everytime I look at it.

You guys have been playing so well that after the game I go home and touch myself. Congratulations.

I finally made it ! I have a profile !I also never realized how much I resemblePorn, it's like we're twins. Kinda scary.

I think we've gone to far now, I'm very corn-fused. But what the hell we're winning. yahoo!!!

I want to thank you all for the love and support you gave me while I battled ass problems and diddled my widdle non-stop. I love playing with you guys as much as I do with myself. Hug, hug, kiss, kissP.S. Pete is only a little gay from what I observed.

Am I still going to get initiated eventhough you're kicking my ass to the curb at the end of the season? If so, how much KY Jelly should I bring to the next game?

Dammit Jess, I'm still waiting for my initiation!

Well, looking at the last few entries, it looks like I won't have to worry about the bubble-soap-tickle-shower fights with most of you guys anymore! Whew! What a relief!!

I enjoy the sport of hockey.

Was that really necessary Porn ? And what is with your obsessing over wanting me to be gaay, it's starting to freak me out. For the last time, no I won't sleep with you.

This message is for DJ. I have an ointment that could really clear up that anal warts. It worked wonders for mine and I've been outbreak free for 5 weeks now. Just let me know. Also, if you haven't guessed it, I'm gay and my girlfriend is just a coverup for my gayness. I am so gay. I'm like the biggest queer you'll ever meet. Sometimes I'm so gay I amaze myself. Wow, I just did it again. I really am the queen homo.ps. I love the cock!

Mikey, I created a profile to be posted on the site. Do you want me to e-mail it to you or bring it to the game? Or do I have to get another shutout before I get a profile?

Do I suck that bad that I'm not even mentioned as a part of the team for the season? What do I have to do to get a nod as a part of the team (if only until your original goalie comes back)?

I put a grand on the Spiders to win the Cup this year.

This appears to be the only way I'll get onthe Spiders page !

To the people who havent been showing up, I know youre more important that the rest of us and have very important lives, but at least try to pencil in 30 seconds where you can have your personal assistants call Jess to tell her that you cant come to the games because youre too busy watching Full House reruns. I dont have a problem with you guys giving Jess money and never showing up, as long as you tell us after Jess gets the money, that youre never going to show up, that way we can get people who understand the need to leave their homes and play hockey. If youre still reading this, if youve missed games for dumbass reasons, please shoot yourself as many times as possible until youre dead.

Part-time is for working at 7 Eleven. Start coming to games people!!

Ok Mikey~ Get off of your furry little lazy bunghole and update player profiles you slacker! Just a friendly word of advice from your little set of lungs on the bench. Here's your forewarning~ do it, or you will truly understand the term "hearing loss" ;)

So what does a guy have to do to get his profile posted? I thought boarding everyones' favorite Pylon would have covered it.

Ok Webmaster~ you better get your ass in gear and get the website updated.....you know, send the guys down to our alumni etc etc.......geez laweez!! You act like you are busy at a real job or something!

I like tits more than Bren likes hockey.

I like hockey.

To everyone who showed up to play Sat night, great effort, lets put the same energy into the game Tues and get a win. Mikey I think everyone who was there should share a star for the hustle.

Great game the other nite guys!! Hope we can keep that puck rolling for the whole season!

I realize I'm new on the team but I just have three things to say, and if you don't like it, well tough shit because if you weren't there on Tuesday you can't talk. First, everyone who showed up to the last game did a great job and we didnt give up. Secondly, I like lots of ice time as much as the next person, but when you only have a couple people on the bench, and then lose a close game, IT SUCKS! If you aren't going to bother to show up, then let other people know so we can bring players who actually want to play. Third and finally, would whomever has the vodoo doll of me please stop stabbing it in the legs before our games, I'd like to be able to sleep without ice and elevation on my leg just one night after a game, lol.

WOW JESS! I saw your new picture at the player profile, I can only imagine what Dale looks like now. Chin up Spiders, you'll get'em!!!

Ok, guys....PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD (and all of those who value your hearing) take that horrible picture of me off the profiles and get a new picture of me on the website, preferrably in my hockey uniform!! And whomever is running the site, please don't forget to add on Lynn and just delete her PICTURE only, since that is all she asked. Thanks!

Kenny ~ U SUCK!But I guess we will have to let you go w/ a tear in our eyes!But U STILL SUCK!

Ok, ok, I hope that the copier deal went down ok, did it Kenny?? And why don't you ever call when you don't have pants on at work?! Dammit! Nice looking logos, yinz guys! Maybe that's why we are going to win some this time - everyone will be floored that we have a logo! Whoo hoo!

when are you guys going to have 'Jess' bobblehead night?Do you need to know how to skate to play hockey with yins guys?Is there a jersey for the offical team drunk?Kenny is not wearing any pants right now at work!!!

MikeyCould you email the picture of the logo please?

Mikey WTF???? Did Mr Peabody and his way back machine pay a little visit to our web site or is the green beer having that much of a hangover effect on you that you regressed 5 months. I am sure Bill remember that game well enough not to need reminded.

Ok, Don't like the pic of me in the player profiles. DEFINATELY want another one taken, at least with my uniform on instead of civilian clothes!!

Yeah, Ken, we did play Saturday, did we forget to tell you? We took on Mario, Wayne, Bobby Orr, Gordie Howe, Ray Bourque, Paul Coffey and Patrick Roy. Beat 'em 46-0.

according to southpointe's web, our next game is jan. 22 at 10:40 vs the blades. does this mean no game saturday?

Just a quick update about the upcoming session. Matt does have a guy named Howie who would like to play. He was checking on his eligibility since he has played in "A"league.

Schmoopy? WTF's a schmoopy? I don't have keys to my club. I drive it with the club on in case someone tries to carjack me...

Hey Mikey!! On the updated profiles why didn't you put your new nickname of "Schmoopy" on the list? Or haven't you guys decided who the Schmoopy is yet? BTW, did you ever find the keys to your club?

Sorry, Ken. Your omission was an oversight. I would have made the correction sooner, but I was too busy having sex.

Kenny, is that a subtle hint?? Nice job on the website, Mikey...updated profiles are quite funny...got me to giggle. Hopefully I won't inflict any hearing loss tonight, but I'm not promising anything....

HEY! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY PLAYER PROFILE!! or is this what they call free agent or free to a good home,I hate that webhead.

I just want to go on record as saying I would never resort to bribery just to win the Three Star Award. So Kenny, how do you like that new car I just bought you?

OK, HERE WE GO! the 3 stars award is going to the wire. with one game to go here is line-up of who still has a chance to win the award: Stevie,Mikey,Eric,Larry,Matt,Jess. GOOD LUCK TO YINZ ALL!!

Actually, that was me. Friday the 13th falls on a Tuesday this month.

Can someone get Kenny a calendar??? Looks like he needs some orientation to date....

screw you guys....I'm going home.

Quotation of the Day, Tuesday, July 30, 2002, Ken says: "If Johnny doesn't show up tonight, he's not gonna be here."

5 YEARS AND STILL GOIN STRONG Who da thunk it eh? lets have the best season yet! and a question to the web-head master, any rumor that there will be a Mitch "shift it up" bobblehead night?

Just wanted to thank you guys....it's been great playing hockey with you, and I have had a blast. And thanks for putting up with my shit....are we allowed to say shit on the website??? Anyways, time to kick some KoSports ass Tuesday nite boys...are we allowed to say ass, too?? Oh well, see you in the lockerroom!

Go team

Good luck!

Great site! I live in Mt. Lebanon PA and I have been playing for 25 years. If you know of other teams in your league looking for a quality team site for just a few bucks a player please give them my link. Check it out, I think the interface is pretty cool.

I asked Michael if he plays hockey or something. He ended up directing me to this web-page. Good Luck Spiders!

X-file: There was another team that played at Bladerunners (Bethel B league) called the Spiders that had exactly the same uniforms. Is this just a coincidence? The truth is out there. Cumpy's Bandits Rule!

3 STARS: 3RD star MIKEY - BEAUTY OF A SHOT SCORED FROM RIGHT SIDE OF NET. 2nd star BILL - took a hit to the knee, but stayed on the ice for a breakaway goal. no #1 awarded.

GAME 4 - 3 STARS. NO STARS AWARDED IN 5-0 LOSS. BLAH!!!

Let's try this again

Hey! I finally got on the team, got leveled by my boss, hit with a puck....how much do I have to sacrifice to get on this webpage?? Couldn't get on for devoted fan of the century.....now I'm playing....what's the world coming to? At least I got mentioned, I guess I can't bitch...too much.

GAME 3-3 STARS;3/JESS,took abuse in front of the net,got hit with a puck from her boss-kurt-and was expected to work the next day. 2/BILL,more good end to end rushes,plus scored the game tying goal,late in the game. 1/JOHNNYscoring 2 goals,and getting knocked around all night without a penalty called. but really#1 star for being in rare form in/out of locker room.

GAME 2 - 3 STARS: 3/BILL-good defense and end to end rushes. 2/MIKEY-2 game scoring streak plus had the 2 ladies as his wingmates.1/STEVIE-great goaltending when most needed.

3 Spider Stars of the game, sponsered by Kens penalty box: 3/Jess, starting her first spider game and providing the battle cry CORN! 2/DALE, 2 goal night inspired by the house band at Jay's playing Wanted dead or alive! 08/29/01.

SPIDERS INVADE THE MELLON ARENA THIS FALL. We will have the opportunity to rent the ice at the Mellon Arena in late Sept./Oct. for a 2 hour pick up game. details to follow about date and game time. we actually might get our fans to come out and watch now.

TO ALL PLAYERS AND FAN(S), The spiders will be featured this fall at the Penguins web site. The live user-operated still camera already installed at Mellon Arena, is coming to Southpointe. Sounds like it will be on 24/7. Now we just have to find someone to stay up late, to save the images for us so we can have pictures on this darn thing. today the pens web site, tomorrow ESPN.

WE ARE ON OUR WAY TO THE TOP...first Lincare, then the Polar Bears, who can stop us once we get rolling...way to kick ass guys...

SPIDER MOTIVATION CLASS # 1, -Great things are done by a series of small things brought together. - Van Gogh. -Take a chance! All life is a chance. The man who goes the furthest is generally the one willing to do and dare. - D.Carnegie. -Skate your balls off!!! - Calvin Kennedy. LETS GO SPIDERS !!!

Damn, I might only be the new guy on the team and might only be a Jay Caufiled sytle player t hat likes # 16, but when do I get to be on the teams web page? "Come on we can beat these guys, they're not that good."

Death to Kindom Entertainment!!

Hey! Where is the devoted fan picture at???Dammit!! Website looks great, a lot better than the other one was!

Where can I get a miniature collectible of the lawn goose in the spiders uniform?

You are the greatest Mikey!!! And my nickname is NOT Spike!!! Dale christened me that for some reason!!!Don't make me kick you in the ding ding.

N Ice Work!!! I'm scared of the creeping spider.

looks good mikey. nice touch with the jerseys in the history sec.

Mikey - the website looks great!! Great effort last night Spiders...we'll get 'em next time.

To all my Spider brethren and anyone else who may happen upon these pages, here is an example of how your entries in the guestbook shall appear.